Faith Into Action

Surprises!

2010-02-18T09:55:00.008-06:00

It’s been awhile…again. Sorry for that. I’m committing to update my blog at least once a week – really.

So I am still in South Africa. I did take a month long journey back to the states from December to January. This was a huge blessing (thanks to a pretty awesome couple) and a complete surprise to my family who knew nothing about my trip home until I showed up on their doorsteps. I arrived a day later than originally planned (oh the joys of many flights to get from South Africa to Texas!) but I still managed to pull off the surprise. I got a lot of double takes the first couple days – that was great fun! I managed to surprise my best friend, Amy, as well as my former workplace when I showed up there to see her. While I couldn’t possibly be in Dallas for an entire week before making it down to San Antonio to see my parents, I surprised them by calling from my sister’s cell phone.

I spent the first week in Dallas (jet lag was rough), the next week with Mom and Dad in San Antonio (Mom time was the best!), the next week back in Dallas for Christmas with Kim, Barry, Lilli and Maddi, the next week in San Antonio for New Years at my parents with ALL my sisters and ALL my nieces(we kept the secret from my niece Leah until I saw her in person on December 27!), and the last week back in Dallas for last minute visits, shopping, etc.

All in all it was a great time home. Time with my nieces was so great and much needed. They feed my soul so much its amazing! Sister time is always a blast and there is no one funnier than my sisters! Mom and Dad are good and so supportive and understanding.

Maddi and Lilli

Leah and my Dad (her Papa)

Me with Lilli

As the last couple days approached, I got asked a couple times how I was ‘doing’. You know the look and the head nod…”How are you DOING?” I knew each person meant how was I doing with leaving home again to come back to South Africa. My response? “I am ready to go back. I am thankful for time at home and seeing my family and friends, but my life is over there right now….it’s where God wants me, and I am good with that.”

When I left to move to South Africa in April 2009, I did not cry at my goodbyes. I was nervous about what was to come but was ready to go. This time around, I cried at all of my goodbyes – whether in front of people or while driving away (my poor brother-in-law, Doug, who took me to the airport that cold January 8th, got the worst of it. Sorry about that, Doug! You should never agree to take me to an airport again…). I remembered how much I missed everyone while over here, and the tears flowed. I never knew I could miss my family THAT much. Far too often we take our relationships for granted way more than we realize.

I seriously am so thankful for all the precious time with each person back home. Life and relationships have so much more meaning to me and God has really opened my eyes to cherishing those with a positive influence in my life. I truly appreciate all the prayers, love, and support.

God wants the same kind of relationship with us – cherished, nurtured, loved. A theme that’s been in my mind since December is “What’s pleasing to God?” I try to keep this on the forefront of my mind every time I wake up in the morning, every interaction I have, every decision I make I will ask myself “Is this pleasing to God?” I have even heard Him speak the words “Now Ami, was that pleasing to me?” and I bow my head and seek forgiveness.

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. But I still strive to please God.
Every. Day.

Funding

2009-10-15T03:14:00.002-05:00

I am finding it hard to post this blog as there is so much need here in South Africa. I want to be able to raise funds for the things that actually matter to me. However, I know that to be able to do what I can for those things here in South Africa, for the time being, I have to be in South Africa. For me to be in South Africa, I need your help. I am here fully supported by people back home. In order for me to stay here for my committed year, I need funds to support me here. I will most likely be staying until August 2010. There are many things that will need to come together in order for that to happen, one of them being funds to do so. I have full faith in God that if that's His will, He will provide.

I am here helping Genesis with their fundraising. We’ve been working on proposals to get more funding for the care centre and have implemented our Sponsor-a-Bed Program, also known as the Sithembele (See-tem-bay-lay) Program. I am the coordinator of this program and have been working to get it off the ground.

Sithembele means “We have Hope”. And we do. We have hope that the care centre will find replacement funds when our PEPFAR funding runs out. We have hope that the care centre is bringing patients dying of AIDS to Christ. We have hope that we are making a difference in their lives. We have hope that we are giving them the love and care that they might not get at home. We have hope that they will get well here and be able to go home to their families. We have hope that we are giving them hope.
I am learning a lot and I love it here.

If you want more information from me about what I am doing here, etc. please let me know. Please pray for the people here. Please pray about considering supporting me while I am here. Lake Pointe Church has an account set up for me and it’s very easy to do so. Just go to… https://rockwall.lakepointe.org/Giving/Giving/online_giving.aspx. Click on “Missions Offering” and fill in “465-22550, Ami Cheek, South Africa” in the box below asking for missions support information. Fill in personal information as asked, etc. All funds given are tax deductible when given through Lake Pointe Church to my account they have set up for me.

Thank you so much, and as always, thank you for your prayers.

Unconditional Love

2009-09-12T17:02:00.000-05:00

A therapist once told me that I knew nothing about unconditional love. At one point I asked him about God he told me that God was the last thing we would talk about in therapy. I was not living for Christ at that time but I knew that did not sound right at all.
God loves me unconditionally and the only one I need to teach me anything about unconditional love.

Thank you God, for your unconditional love. Thank you for letting me be me. Thank you for not requiring me to wear a mask, be fake, be someone I am not. Thank for you really knowing me and my heart. Thank you for all the amazing plans you have for me. Thank you for allowing me to come to you when I was ready – broken, hurt, alone, afraid, angry. Thank you for allowing me to still come to you during those dark times that I still go through. Thank you for always being there and not putting conditions on your love for me.

Thank you for sending people into my life over the years that also unconditionally love me and show me just a glimpse of your great and awesome love.

Thank you for loving me so much that you send your son to die for my sins on the cross. Thank you for your forgiveness. I can only imagine.

Broken

2009-09-08T14:42:00.001-05:00

It seems to be the word to describe several things lately. And I don’t just mean not having hot water for 4 days. That is so minor. Although the fourth day was getting a bit long…;)

Seriously though. Two weeks ago while I was at the Life Skills training we were doing a listening skills exercise. We were told to tell our partner about different times in our lives (happy, sad, favorite birthday, angry, etc.) doing different communication (no words – only motions, talking at the same time, whispering, standing across the room from each other, etc.) . There were three of us in my group. One of the exercises was to stand back to back and tell about the last time we were sad. Our group had a man from South Africa, and two Americans – myself and a missionary that’s here with the IMB. We Americans went first. He told about the last time he was sad, then I told mine (missing my nieces), and then it was the other mans turn (I am not using his name). He said “I was sad on the 7th of August when my five year old daughter was raped by a friend.” GASP. I turned around and said “WHAT?! YOUR daughter?! When?!” I know this man, I consider him a friend here, so hearing this I was in absolute shock and had to be sure I heard him correctly. He shook his head yes. I told him I was so sorry to hear this. He simply hung his head and came towards us for a hug. Sigh. I’ve been praying for them ever since. What do you say to someone in that situation?! There are no words. Only broken hearts.

Last week some of us went to Place of Restoration. This is a place of safety for abused, abandoned, and neglected children. The first place I volunteered after college, back in Dallas, was a similar place. However, those three words – abused, abandoned, and neglected – mean something completely different here. I can’t explain it- they just do. There may not be any other family for the child to go to here. Either no one knows where they are, or they are all dead. Neglected could be that both parents have died of AIDS. We don’t face that much back at home. I got to hold a baby for a little while. I was brought back to a time when I held a small baby at the shelter back in Dallas. That was a similar experience for me. All I thought was “How could any woman have just given birth, in the last 6 months or less, to this child and not be holding this baby, HER baby, in her arms right now? Why is this child here?!” There are no words. Only broken hearts.

I had the opportunity to spend some time with the managing director of the Vikings Rugby Academy, Lodie, and his wife, Cristal, and their daughter last week. The Vikings Rugby Academy is a ministry of the church and Genesis. It gives boys who are finished with high school the opportunity to play rugby and be coached to eventually go into the big leagues of rugby here in South Africa. It is much more than that though. Most of the boys that come to the academy are not Christians. They are coached and taught on Christian values though, so most do come to know Christ while a part of this program. They are also taught life skills and much more. They don’t come from much, but are given a tremendous opportunity. Lodie has such a heart for this ministry and takes it very seriously. Recently it was thought that they would be getting government funding for this program. That did not happen though and they are in desperate need of funds. If they do not get them soon, they will close down. And boys will miss the opportunity to be a part of this wonderful program. There are no words. Please pray with me that we find funding for them and more young men will be reached and the glory will be for God.

The other day I was asked if there was anything I could do to help a young man rebuild his family’s home that was destroyed in floods that came through this area over a year ago. The amount is nothing compared to what we would settle for back home. This young man humbled himself enough to come talk to me about this. Sigh. All I could do was tell him that I would pray about this with him. He doesn’t want a hand out. He specifically told me he doesn’t want money but the materials purchased for the house. It’s for a roof over their heads…not some luxury item. There are no words.

So you see, my heart breaks on a daily basis here. I go home often with a heavy heart and fall into His arms each night, knowing He has the answers and it’s all in His hands and His plan.

Blessed

2009-08-30T12:51:00.006-05:00

Sorry for taking so long to update. It’s been a busy month!

First of all I want to share with you all that my friend, Phumlani, who I met a week after I came to South Africa back in April, went home from the Genesis Care Centre two weeks ago. He came to the care centre (hospice) very sick and went through getting better, to getting pretty sick again, to getting well enough to go home to his family. It was a bittersweet day for me, as I was so happy he was going home but also I was sad because I wouldn’t be able to go see him every day anymore. As he put it, he was glad "to go home on my feet instead of in a coffin". Amen. We sat and talked for a long time that morning. When his brother came to get him, we had a long hug and I gave him a Bible in English as well as a personal note.
I can honestly say that I have not been back in the male ward since he left. The thought of walking in there and not seeing him is strange. I have tried to go in, in fact I attempted twice. I just couldn’t take the next step. God has really put it on my heart to go in there this week and make new friends and see the caregivers. There are others that I can bring hope to. I just miss my friend. He called me after the first night he was home to let me know he made it through his first night and was doing well. I heard from him this past week as well and he continues to build his strength and is loving being back at home. Please continue to pray he does well.

Me with Phumlani the day he left to go home.

I had the pleasure of having three lovely ladies from the Lake Pointe youth team stay with me after the team left on July 10. They were here until August 7. They did various projects and touched many lives. We went on Home Based Care visits together and that was just an amazing time with them. It was great having some company here for awhile. Katy, Taylor, and Jodie – thanks for blessing me as well as so many here! I miss you…and your cooking…and all our tea times! Katie W. also came from Lake Pointe and blessed many as well! I even got to take Katy, Taylor and Katie on the ultimate adventure of jumping off the same cliff I jumped off of last year. They did a MUCH better job than I did....that's all I'll say!

In late July a team from High Pointe Community Church in Washington state came to bless this area as well. They were a team of seven. I was able to go to dinner with them one night as well as be with them as they visited the care centre. What awesome people! They were a bit weary of the care centre before coming and once they spent a couple hours there, they came back every day and made friends with the patients rather quickly. I feel so blessed to be able to have seen the care centre through their eyes- very similar to my first experience there. I’m pretty sure some of their hearts are left behind in the care centre. They better come back to reclaim them. J Thank you thank you thank you, for your prayers and support Ruth Ann, Adrian, Sarah, Heather, John, Linda, and Tod.

This past week I was able to take part in a training for Life Skills with the local SU (Scripture Union) people. SU goes into local schools and teaches children and young teens life skills to help better themselves and their lives. Since I have gone through this training I can now help out with these programs they do in schools. I am really looking forward to this! The first one I will help will be October 5-9.

There are three college guys here for four months from the US. They are here with the Hands On program through the IMB. It’s been fun getting to know them and they live just down the street from me. I can already tell that they are going to have a strong influence on boys here in the area. Please keep them in your prayers- Wesley, Tyler, and Jonathan- that they are able to touch lives here and also have their own lives touched. How selfless of them to give up a semester of college at age 21 and come serve others. God is good.

That’s it for now. I hope you are all well and again, I will really try to blog more.

Jacob's Well

2009-07-17T06:30:00.002-05:00

Jacob has given me his blessing to tell the following story. It's important to Jacob that he not be glorified in this story, but instead that God be glorified. Amen.

In July 2008, a young high school student named Jacob came to South Africa with the Lake Pointe youth team. Jacob was drawn to the rural area, referred to as Khula Club, that Genesis partners with. There is a crèche (preschool/daycare), a church, a ‘kitchen’ for cooking, gardens, play areas, and several homes spread out amongst the hills of the Khula Club area. It is said that not until recently, many of the children in this area had never seen a white person. Fetching water is no easy task, as you can imagine, as it’s a very rural area with a lot of space between each home (hut).

On the way back home last year, Jacob had the idea to help this community get water by providing a well. Thankfully Jacob did not get back home and forget this idea and return to every day life in the states. He began to talk to people back home about holding a fundraiser to raise the money for the well. He wanted this to be a way that he and his fellow students could reach out to help others instead of just stay in their sheltered community. They had t-shirts made and he and his friends sold them during the lunch hour at their high school. Jacob wanted to go big and had plans that if each senior bought a t-shirt they’d have the money raised in no time. A lot of t-shirts were sold at first but then sales tapered off. This caused doubt in Jacob’s mind…doubt in God, doubt in himself. The event for the fundraiser was to be a dinner – an evening of sharing about South Africa. Not about the food itself, but people coming together within the community of Rockwall to help another community half way across the world that struggles just to have water each day….each week.

There were a couple times that the dinner was almost cancelled. They didn’t think they’d have the turn out, caterers were not working out as planned, etc. etc. etc. Looking back, I think this was Satan’s way to intervene. He tried….but he did not.

The dinner happened as planned. It was held at the Rockwall-Heath High School. A lot of paper work with the Board of Directors of the district had to be done and approved in order for this fundraiser to take place. All of it was approved. I attended, as did my family. Many that are on the adult team that have now come to South Africa three years in a row were all there. It was a pull-at-the-heart-strings kind of evening, along with a few laughs.

Turns out donations poured in and with a goal of $5,000 to drill the hole for the well, all in all $16,000 came in! Praise God! The total for the well to be drilled, pump in place, generator, etc. was about $8,800… God is good, ALL the time!

As the time approached for the Lake Pointe teams to arrive this year, we at Genesis knew the well needed to be started on by the time the team got here. There were still final cost quotes to be gotten and arrangements to be made for this to happen, all within about 3 weeks time. Studies had been done on the land awhile ago, and it was selected where they would drill. There was a chance water would not be hit at all. God was in these plans of course and everything came in to place for the drilling to begin. While the adult team was out at Khula, the drilling of the well began. Early that day we were told they would only work until 5pm and they would not hit water that day. Maybe the next day. Here you can see them drilling in the background as the team had VBS with the kids.

As the team walked out of the church at Khula, after having a great day, one team member said that it was the perfect day, now only if we’d hit water. This was at about 5:15pm…remember, they were going to stop at 5pm. It was at that moment that water started spraying up into the air! WE HIT WATER!!!!

What an amazing moment to experience as a team! We were all jumping around, laughing as water sprayed on to us, praising God, taking pictures, loving God. We joked that the paparazzi showed up because a lot of the team had video cameras and high tech camera equipment to capture the moment. It was just 123 meters down that they hit water!

We were sad that Jacob couldn’t be there for this moment…the youth team had arrived to South Africa earlier that day and Jacob was once again part of that team. We knew that he’d get to see the well though, now flowing with water.

It was that Monday that Jacob got to see the well. At that point it’d been capped off with a rusty cap. There were a lot of holes all around but it was very obvious which one would pump water from it. I was there when Jacob saw it for the first time. At first there were tears and we soon formed a circle around the well and held hands.

People prayed and it was to end with Jacob’s prayer. He went from praying, to sobbing, to on his knees praying, to sobbing, to singing, to sobbing, to praying….you get the picture. What an incredible worship of God…who used Jacob’s idea to bring this community water, and to see Him glorified through it all. Jacob spent a lot of time around the well.

Several of us collected a rock that was left over from the drilling. Jacob collected water and sand in a water bottle to take home. It was later stated that the rocks we collected are a reminder of faith. In took faith for this idea to come to life, to spray water out of the ground. Any time I am lacking faith, I will set my eyes upon that rock.

The well now pumps 5,000 litres of water per hour! PRAISE GOD. The people in this area now don’t have to walk for miles to get clean water.

That night, as the youth team held devotions, Jacob spoke about the journey to finally seeing water out at Khula. He said that he doesn’t see himself when he sees the well, he doesn’t see all the t-shirts that were sold, or all the people that helped raise the money, or even the people that now will have water close at hand. He sees GOD. God is to be glorified through all of this, and always.

AMEN.

The well may be named Jacob's Well, but ultimately it's God's Well....His water for His people.

Elephants

2009-07-13T09:45:00.001-05:00

For a, um, ‘relaxing’ and fun activity, the adult team from Lake Pointe went to a game park the last day they were here. I was able to go with them. We went to Bonamanzi game park which is about 4 hours from here. We stayed the night and then dropped them off at the airport the next day. This blog is titled elephants for a reason.

We started off on the game drive seeking out a rhino that we could hardly see through binoculars. I wondered if that’s how the whole drive was going to be. A small part of me wishes it had been. Suddenly we came upon some elephants pretty close to us. I thought that as soon as they saw us, they’d take off into the bush.

Yeah, I’ve been wrong plenty of times in my life. Instead, they came toward us...

...crossing the road in front of the vehicle we were in....

Above is the Momma elephant, protecting her babe as he crossed the road...

...and then the Momma followed the babe into the bush. Then came Mister “I am learning to be tough so I’m going to use my intimidation skills”.

That’s what our guide told us the young male elephant was doing. I quickly told him that it worked and the elephant could go on now. At first he seemed to be leaving but then he quickly turned back around and came straight toward our vehicle. I was so panicked at this point I had to grab the hand of the person next to me, along with Doug’s shoulder as he was in front of me! I have never been that close to such a large animal before and really thought he was going to charge us. Eventually (thank GOD!) he walked away, further into the bush. He once again turned around and made the noise elephants make!!!! I was still scared out of my seat but thought it was so incredibly cool to hear a wild elephant do that!

Thankfully my dear neighbor had some medicine to calm me down, cause I was seriously in the midst of a panic attack. About 15 minutes later I took in my surroundings, my sister and brother-in-law with me in South Africa, and said “Wow…I am so glad we’re doing this!” Everyone laughed and commented that the meds kicked in.

But really, elephants are amazing animals and my new favorite….as long as they keep a safe distance from now on!

Here is the beautiful giraffe, large but peaceful and did not come right toward us... ;)

Biggest Friend

2009-07-12T10:10:00.000-05:00

I have continued to spend time with Phumlani, one of the male patients in the care centre that I have written about on previous posts.

His health has gotten worse since I last updated. He’s been taking ARV’s for a little more than a month and he has suffered many side effects from them. Some days he can’t eat anything and other days it’s very little he can eat. He spends most of his days sleeping right now. He told me recently that he hates sleep. I let him know that’s when the body heals so to hang on to that and not give up. He made a comment that his life is not that important. I felt him giving up on becoming strong again. That day I actually made him promise me that he would not give up. He has not.

Last week he told me that one of the American’s brought him a picture. He asked me to get it out of his nightstand. The photo was of him and one of the adult team members from Lake Pointe. As I got out the photo, I noticed that what I was taking it out of was a journal he’d started. I asked if I could read it and he said yes. Not too far into his entries I was mentioned. Well, “Emmie” was mentioned. That’s how he says my name, so that’s how he spelled it! He talked about how his stomach was upset that day “but my biggest friend Emmie brings me juice to drink…” I am taking “biggest friend” to mean “best friend”. ;) Another entry stated that he was “very sad because Emmie left today without saying bye to me”. Well just break my heart…when I asked him when that was he knew exactly what happened when I left without saying goodbye. WOW. I am now very sure that I go see him and say goodbye.

And I never stop praying for him. Never. I pray I have seen him at his lowest…crying on my arm because he had to be in a wheelchair to go to chapel service because his feet were so swollen. He hates the wheelchair. And I hate seeing him in it.

Please continue to pray for my special friend.

Where to begin…

2009-07-10T04:20:00.003-05:00

So much has happened and I’ve just been too busy and tired to post updates. All the stories I have to tell may come out in a quite a few posts in the days to come. I’ll just start by letting you know what’s been going on the last couple of weeks.

First of all, I got a car!!! This happened on Tuesday, June 24. An amazing family who blessed this place back in April funded this vehicle and I am still speechless at the outreach they have done thus far here in South Africa. Not just for me but for the sick, hungry, lost...incredible. There are no words. And they already know my many thanks as I tell them every chance I get.

The adult team from Lake Pointe arrived here on the night of Thursday, June 26. My sister, Becki, and her husband, Doug, arrived with the team as well! I was so excited leading up to their arrival so when they were finally got here I was so happy! Many people that I have traveled with to South Africa the past two years also arrived and I was very excited to have them here. Some new faces were also on the team and it was wonderful getting to know them and I feel blessed to have met them here in South Africa. Having a bit of home for awhile has been great.

The team did many things while they were here- VBS in two different communities – once in the morning and once in the afternoon! They also visited the care centre a few times, had a party at a local hospital, visited Rehoboth (an orphanage, or “Children’s Village” as we call it), service project of painting and other renovations to a new community center, home based care visits to those living with/dying of AIDS in their homes, and other ministry opportunities. Seeing South Africa through the eyes of Becki and Doug, who’d never been here before, was a renewing and energizing experience for me. Things that have become common to me here were fresh and new to them, and helped me realize what I’ve begun to take for granted here…and not to do so anymore.

They got to meet my friends and ‘family’ here which was really cool. I’m so glad they got to come with the team and see my life here and what all I’m doing here. Of course it was sad when they had to leave. I didn’t want it to end and it seemed to fly by way to fast. But I know God was in it all and greatly blessed our time together. As I was hugging Becki goodbye I said “You can change your ticket to stay longer….” She said “Then we’d just have to do this (say goodbye) next week so we may as well do it now….” It’s a good thing I didn’t have my passport with me at the airport...

The youth team from Lake Pointe arrived on Wednesday, July 1. So they overlapped the adult team being here by a few days. I didn’t join up with the youth team until Saturday, July 4 – the day the adult team left. Four people from the adult team stayed over longer with the youth team. I didn’t know too many people coming with the youth team but was excited to meet them all. What a great group and joy they have all been. They also had long days of VBS, care centre, Rehoboth, service project, etc. I heard very few complaints from this team of youth though. I pray they go home changed and I am excited to hear about how their lives will be changed once they are home. They leave today. Three from the youth team will be coming to stay with me today through August 7. We plan to have a very relaxing weekend. I do at least.

Ok, specific stories from these last couple weeks will come soon. Thank you for your continuous prayers. I have had doubt. But retelling my journey to get here to two of the youth team members has reminded me that I am where God wants me to be. Going home now would be a huge mistake. Great things are still to be done here... For you're the God of this city.

Week End

2009-06-05T13:16:00.000-05:00

The end of another week. I have now been here in South Africa for 7 weeks. Not that I am counting…I just know when Friday’s come around and another week is wrapping up, I count many blessing for being able to be here.

Two weeks ago I was able to go to a factory (with the manager of the care centre and one of the counselors) where they make beautiful wood furniture and listen to the owners talk about how they want to take care of their employees when it comes to HIV/AIDS. They wanted to have the workers listen to a talk about how important it is to be tested, and allow them to ask questions and break the stigma that is so prevalent in the Zulu culture when it comes to HIV/AIDS. The counselor spoke with the workers for a good 40 minutes. Even though it would all be in Zulu and we wouldn’t be able to understand what she said or what the workers may ask her, she asked us to leave. It made it more private and comfortable for the workers to not have the bosses in the room.

Just yesterday the VCT (Voluntary Counseling and Testing) crew went back to the same place for workers to be counseled and tested (pre-counseling, test, post-counseling). Today I asked the counselor how it went. She said “Oh it went well! Actually it was more than well. It was excellent!” She went on to say they all lined up and 28 of them were tested. Praise God. Now they are aware of their status and if any are HIV+ they can take action with ARV’s (anti-retro viral drugs), healthy diet and continue their lives. Two weeks ago, many were saying they didn’t have the time or the money to be tested. Now the VCT crew went to them, and it’s absolutely free to be tested. I was so happy to hear that they tested that many people, and that many people were willing to be tested. That’s huge here. There are still more to be tested and they will go back next week to do the process again.

Update: Phumlani continues to do better. This week he told me that when he first came to Genesis (about 6 weeks ago), he weighed 75 pounds. He now weighs 125 pounds. He’s able to eat well and regain his strength. Also this week, he talked about going home for the first time since I’ve come to know him. Of course I have prayed for him every day to get better and regain his strength, but not seeing him every day was not a thought that had crossed my mind. The Lord quickly put it on my heart that this is my answered prayer….that he become well enough to go home! Praise God! I don’t know when that will happen exactly as I don’t know anything about his medical treatment. But the fact that he’s working towards that goal is huge. He told me that some people that are in the care centre just give up on life. But he is not. He works hard in physical therapy, makes a ton of bead work, and is out of his bed as much as he can be. Today I walked in to talk with him and he was looking over at the man in the bed next to him with envy. A nurse was massaging his neighbors’ feet. I asked the nurse if I could massage Phumlani’s feet. She said ‘of course’. So today I was the hands of Jesus for a bit…helping with the burning that was coming along with the dry skin taking over his feet. He was in good spirits today- making jokes, laughing, but embedded in that is always the deep stuff…mentions of his illness, his children, his job, his FAITH. I left his bedside completely humbled. Praise God!

Some insight into every day...

2009-05-28T11:00:00.002-05:00

Every day is a different day for me here in South Africa. So it’s hard to describe every day life, but I will do my best. I go to Genesis every day, Monday through Friday. My title there is “Partnership Coordinator” which means I am responsible for the partnerships that Genesis currently has with churches and potential foundations/individuals in the US when it comes to funding any Genesis projects. That doesn’t take all of my time so thus far I’ve been helping with PR for Genesis- putting together new brochures, DVD, website, etc. to promote all the new things going on at Genesis. I am by no means in charge of doing these actual things, just helping with decision making when it comes to these things because Lord knows I can’t do brochures, DVD’s and websites! I’ve also been helping with planning for when teams come over to South Africa to work with Genesis and other organizations in the area. My responsibilities are small in comparison to the International Volunteer Coordinator, Cala Flippo, because she has been here much longer and is much more help than I am.
Fundraising is a big part of why I am here as well, and I will soon be much busier with that.

I make it a point to go and see Phumlani every day. Some days he is more talkative than others so it just depends on that when it comes to how much time I spend with him. He never fails to make me laugh at least once during my time with him, and hopefully vice versa. Here lately when I go to see him I find him sitting or laying in the grass outside, enjoying the sun and the breeze. I’ve also spent time watching him do bead work for greeting cards that Genesis makes as part of the skills development program. He’s very good at it, and fast! I can hardly keep up to figure out how I’d ever do it myself! He is feeling well but has good days and bad days. Lately is seems he's felt better than worse though. Trust me, if he's not feeling well, he tells me. In detail. Sometimes detail that isn't meant to be talked about. :)

I come home in the afternoon and go to bed. HAHA…just kidding. I come home and have dinner, read, journal, watch the news for the weather…which is shown very last and I can’t seem to remember that I still can’t translate Celsius into Fahrenheit (weather.com shows it in Fahrenheit!), pray for whatever is troubling me at the time but always remembering to praise God for His blessings.

What else? Um, I do my shopping at the mall that is just across the street from me. Yes, there is a mall here. I suppose I need to post a picture for you all to see it. Some think it’s crazy that there would be a mall here!

This past weekend the church had a family camp about 30 minutes away from Port Shepstone. It was at nice camp grounds where we stayed in chalets from Friday to Sunday. The food, fellowship, and worship was great and I was able to meet a lot of new people. However, I should have taken my own advice and closed up the windows when we spent Saturday afternoon down at the beach. I was robbed. Of bananas. By monkeys. That’s right, even with security gates around the windows that we left open for air circulation, the monkeys squeezed their way in and stole 5 bananas. We came back to one banana peel left on the floor, and our box of cereal on the ground and spilled everywhere. CHEEKY MONKEYS!!!

Many of us were blessed over the past week to have the Religious Hour Choir from Baylor University here on the South Coast. Small world, huh?! I heard them sing three different times and spent an evening of dinner and fun with them. What a great group! Their energy and love for God was so refreshing and inspiring. And their voices....oh it was amazing to hear them sing! I could listen to them for hours. Their director is also part of the alumni development team at Baylor so it was nice to talk with him. He's in charge of the global network of alumni- what a fun job! They will travel back to Texas tomorrow so pray for safe travels for them!

This is all I can think of for now which may or may not give you a good idea of every day life. Stay tuned for my next topic on my every day life here in South Africa…..DOUBT. Say it with me. D-O-U-B-T!

Funding Need

2009-05-12T10:28:00.006-05:00

As many of you know, I am self funded to be here in South Africa. Yes, there are organizations that fund people to do mission work and I did look into them. However, none were a good match for coming to this specific place, with these specific people that I have come to know and love, to do what I will be doing here. In a way, it leaves some room for freedom in that regard- to do what I feel led to so and serve those I feel led to serve. Of course a down side is straight out financial support! I've been blessed in that regard thus far, but still need more funds in order to fulfill my year commitment here.

My greatest need at this time is a vehicle. I do not have means of transportation and it is necessary here in South Africa....for me to get around to various projects and simply to get to work at Genesis each day. Thus far I've been given rides everywhere and had the blessing to borrow a car for a couple days. The need is greater with each day that passes and my need to get around to projects and help with transportation when others are here visiting.

Times are tough for everyone, everywhere and I certainly know that. Cars in South Africa are expensive. I do not need a new car by any means. My hope at one point was/is to help Two Tunics with getting food to creches (preschools/daycares) 4-5 times a month with the purchase of a truck, as they take food to some very rural places that have no paved roads. I got to do this two weeks ago and seeing those sweet faces smile at seeing food to feed them is priceless! See?

I would drive the truck on a more daily basis. This is still a prayer, so who knows. I need to figure something out soon.

Please pray about supporting me financially. If you feel led, simply go to https://rockwall.lakepointe.org/Giving/Giving/online_giving.aspx. Click on “Missions Offering” and fill in “465-22550, Ami Cheek, South Africa” in the box below asking for missions support information. Fill in personal information as asked, etc. All funds given are tax deductible when given through Lake Pointe Church to my account they have set up for me.

Please continue prayers for health, safety, and comfort....for me and those here in South Africa. Thank you!

“WHERE have you been?!”

2009-05-09T11:07:00.007-05:00

I have tried to make it a habit every day to walk through the male and female ward at the care centre. It’s where the head office for Genesis is after all, situated between the two. The care centre is the first project that Genesis started. It is a step down facility for those dying of AIDS. They come to the care centre as referrals from local hospitals, when there is nothing more they can do for them. Recently they have also begun to accept new patients from referrals from a partner organization, Positive Ray. They do home based care visits and education to schools and people in the community. While in the community if they see someone bad off, the nurses that work with them can refer them to the Genesis Care Centre. Some have called the care centre a ‘hospice’ and it is that in a way, but the statistics show that once the patient is receiving proper ARV medication, other meds they may need, proper nutrition, counseling, spiritual guidance, a place to rest, love and compassion, then forty percent of the patients are sent home. Of course they need to keep up with their ARV’s to keep their immune system healthy, etc. but they can go home to their families (if there is any) and continue to get better. Once a person has full blown AIDS, they never go back to being HIV+…but they CAN live with AIDS. I’m not a doctor or a nurse and I know the bare minimum about HIV/AIDS. What I do know is that the patients in the care centre are not a number, or a body filling a bed. They are people….whether they have a hurtful past, a wild past, a hard past….they are people. Each is a person put on this earth for a purpose. Their purpose is not to be part of a statistic of those with HIV/AIDS, or a stat of death from AIDS. Not all of them did something wrong to contract the disease. So I don’t walk through there thinking these are all bad people that made wrong decisions and now this is their punishment. I do the complete opposite…I wonder about their life- what makes them happy? what makes them weep? Do they have children, if so, how many? Do they love their Mom and Dad? What did they dream of doing when they grew up? Do they know they are loved by God and forgiven of their sins by the greatest gift from Jesus? Do they know they have a life purpose – to love Jesus as he loves them?

There is a language barrier with most of the patients. Most either speak no English at all, or very little….only knowing “Hello, how are you? I am fine, thanks.” I have learned a little ‘trick’ as I walk through the wards. I make eye contact with anyone who will make eye contact with me. I say hello. If they simply say hello back, they either don’t know much English or don’t want to talk at the moment. Some don’t say anything back at all. And that’s ok. If I get a “Hello…How are you?” in response to my hello, I know I am good. They will speak English. This is what happened with my new friend, Phumlani.

He speaks wonderful English and understands most of what I say. I walked by his bed on Friday, May 1, and said hello and he said “Hello. How are you?” I replied that I was good, and walked over to his bed to ask how he was doing. He told me he is very sick. Turns out he is the patient that Positive Ray brought in just a couple days before. I’d heard one was coming but I didn’t know who it was. It was Phumlani. He went on to tell me his legs got so weak that he could no longer walk. He had to be carried on the back of his Mother. He looked me right in the eye and said “You know what that’s like? I am a man…a 33-year old man and here I have to be carried by my mother…” W-O-W. He told me about how he has one 16-year old son…and had him when he was way too young. He was scared to tell his mother because he knew he’d be in trouble! He told me about how he was a choir director at a church, but the church had too many politics. He went on about how sad that is when churches get that way. He spoke about God a lot so I knew right away that he’s a believer. I could feel it from him too. He wasn’t just saying that. He said he was glad to have this place (the care centre) to get well. He spoke about his Mom a lot and even asked me “Where is your Mommy?” We talked for a good 20 minutes that day. I told him I would be back to see him.

I didn’t see him again until this past Wednesday (5 days after first meeting him). When I walked in he said “HI AMI! WHERE have you been?!” I laughed and said “You remember my name!” I really didn’t expect him to. He said he has a very good memory. I told him I wasn’t there at Genesis on Monday and Tuesday so this was my first chance to come see him. He told me his Mother had been there to see him on Monday. He also said that he had been very sick the night before but felt a little better. Still trying to gain strength in his legs but the pain in his feet hurt so much. He’d gotten foot massages from the care givers so that was helping with the pain. He had a Zulu bible next to his bed so I picked it up and joked that I couldn’t read it to him. He told me the Zulu language is so strange- it takes a long time just to get to the point and the bible in Zulu is no different! HA! He told me someone had said they’d get him an English bible to read. He mentioned that his favorite fruit are plums. He told me a little, but not much, about living ‘the crazy life’ and how he’d made a lot of mistakes in his life. But that he has God now and that’s all that matters. He would say “as long as I have God…” to a lot of things. We talked a little more and I promised I’d come see him the next day.

He was so encouraging to listen to. He has ‘nothing’ yet he has everything…with God. Wow…if only I lived more like that every day!

When I walked in the next day, he was not in the bed. His name had been taken down and the bed looked as if it was ready for a new patient. My heart started beating fast as I asked the chaplain where my friend was. He point down a few beds and said he’d moved beds. PHEW! I was so worried there for a minute!! I spotted him and once again he said “HI AMI!” We talked about how he was feeling that day and how his night had been. I ‘d bought him some plums the night before and set the bag down on his table and told him it was a little gift for when he was hungry. He didn’t open it to see what it was. He thanked me and said it was a gift from God. Yes, yes it certainly was. I told him I’d see him on Monday and that I’d be praying for him over the weekend.

He seems to be getting a little better since he was first brought in. I pray as I talk with him, and pray for him everyday. Please join me. He really is a special soul.

I know of another 33-year old man who was carried just before and after he died...yet now he is carrying us...Thank you Jesus for carrying the cross...

I have made it to South Africa!

2009-04-27T15:04:00.003-05:00

First know that I have made it safely to South Africa. Actually I arrived here on Friday, April 17. Things were pretty busy when I first got here and then I just didn’t have much motivation to blog. But let me catch you all up, and then I will blog as often as I can.

I didn't blog about my Visa difficulties and it seems like a distant memory with needless stress. My poor brother-in-law, Doug, was wonderful with me through my stress of that whole process, bless his heart. He had to go through me breaking down crying, yelling at him in times of frustration, and then even more tears. Sorry, Doug! ;) Long story short, I got my Visa the Friday before I left....yes, on April 10...and I left on April 15. It involved a ton of paperwork, a quick trip to Austin to pick up one part of the paperwork my darn self, and a LOT of prayer!

I had wonderful visits with friends and family before I left, including a 5 day trip to Indiana to visit my oldest sister, Mindi, and Ryan, Riley and Leah. I miss all my sisters and nieces already! And of course my Mom, Dad, and BFF Amy.

The flights over were long and I didn’t get much sleep on them. So as you can imagine, I was pretty exhausted by the time I got here. But I was excited at the same time! I flew from Dallas to London, where I met up with Ken (our team leader when the team comes to South Africa) and two of his friends he was bringing over to see all the projects. We all had separate travel arrangements for getting to London but then we were on the same flight from London to Johannesburg. I must admit we had it really, really rough at the airport in London. Being able to lounge around in the Virgin Atlantic Clubhouse with showers, couches, any food and drink we wanted, internet access, neck massages, etc….was so rough. HA! My fellow traveling buddies had first class tickets with access to the clubhouse, which was GREAT! However, even with taking two benadryl I didn’t sleep but about 45 minutes on a couch as they had music blaring. Anyway…after a 12 hour layover, we were off to Johannesburg, South Africa.

Once there, the guys went on to East London where Lake Pointe has another partnership and I was headed to Durban, to see them just two days later when they made it to Port Shepstone. Robin, Debbie, and her two daughters were there to pick me up. It’s all really a blur at this point since at this point I’d been traveling for 48 hours with probably a total of eight hours of sleep. I don’t operate too well without sleep…

We drove to the South Coast, which encompasses Port Shepstone, Shelly Beach, and several other small towns. Port Shepstone is where the church/organization are and Shelly Beach is where my apartment is. We met with the man that owns the apartment I am leasing - for him to show me the place and for us to sign the lease and make payment for the month of April. Robin and I then made a run to the store for some essentials. Once back at where I will for sure be living for at least 6 months, I took a shower, took an Ambien and passed out for the next fourteen hours. Oh how I needed that! I think I woke up on Saturday and did a couple things and then took a three hour nap! Finally unpacking came, along with tears. Here I was…and what the heck was I doing here?! Already I missed my family and my friends. I let out some tears and then sucked it up and knew I was still so exhausted. That night I went to dinner with Mike and Robin, and then to church the next day.

Ken got here that Sunday night about 10pm, the 19th, along with Bill and Brian Starkey (father and son). Bill and Ken are good friends and worked together awhile back. They checked into where they were staying, an apartment that’s available for rent for people on holiday. Apparently it was hot and humid in there so they opened the sliding glass doors and windows to let it air out. They decided to keep the doors open while they slept. The next morning Bill woke up and reached for his watch, which was right on the night stand next to his head. It wasn’t there. As things developed through them all waking up, Ken noticed his bag he had ready for that day was gone….which had all his camera equipment, passport, money, credit cards, etc. Turns out they were robbed in the night. Y-I-K-E-S! Brian remembered waking up to someone coming in his room and he said ‘ok, ok, I’m up’ as he thought it was Ken and Bill waking him up. He heard someone rush out and say something in another language but thought Ken was just playing a joke on him. So he laid back down and fell asleep for awhile. All that being said, they were not hurt….praise God! They were completely unharmed…just without some things they’d brought along. Of course they were a little shaken up, mostly at the thought of someone being THAT close to their beds by taking things from the night stands. The police came and got a report. Bill told us that the head police found out why they were in town (for missions work) and he stated something along the lines of Satan always trying to control situations and take focus away from God, and to not let that happen. AMEN! The first thing I heard Bill say when I saw him that morning was “Ya know, that’s all just stuff….we were not hurt.” Another AMEN!

So…as you can imagine, me being a single female staying alone, I was pretty freaked out Monday night when I was home alone. I didn’t really sleep that night….just tossed and turned. I emailed my family and asked for prayer for safety and reminded them and myself that that was never a fear I really had with coming over here. Yet there it was. I cried myself to sleep that night after I sent that email. I prayed and prayed to God….and jumped at every little noise I heard. I had taken half an Ambien and even that hadn’t knocked me out. The next day as we visited projects, I was overwhelmed and rather emotional. I talked to God that whole day, pretty much all day. As I sat in bed that night, I literally felt God surround me and felt the prayers being lifted up for me like I never had before. A complete peace came over me and I was able to sleep pretty well. AMEN! Thanks family, and anyone else that was praying that day. It worked and continues to.
Moral of the whole thing....don't leave your doors wide open at night....;)

Ken, Bill and Brian left on Wednesday afternoon. We joked that they were giving me a hard time throughout their time here to make it easier to say good bye to them. HA! (By the way, Satan did in fact interrupt Ken’s day on Tuesday - since his passport was stolen he had to go to Durban to get a new one. Thankfully he got a complete new one that same day!….how often does that happen?! Thanks be to God the turn around was that quick!) Bill and Brian are great guys and I fully enjoyed spending time with them. Who knew a big time banker/cattle rancher could be brought to such tears in the work of the holy spirit? Well, I suppose I can….South Africa will do that to a man….and woman. Bill, if you read this, looks like you CAN be a feeler at times, huh? ;)

This blog is already long enough and that’s my fault for not blogging sooner and having so much to catch up on. More will come but I want to share this quick story with you all.

As Bill and Brian were shown the care centre on Tuesday, I walked with them. I noticed a young girl sitting up in bed, with her lunch before her. She was squeezing her hand. I broke off from the tour and went to her to see if she was ok. She said her throat hurt just to swallow. I asked her name, and she said her English name was Faith (I couldn’t quite understand what her Zulu name was…). She looked up at me, a bright smile on her face and a little laugh in her voice and asked “WHERE are you FROM?!” I told her “America”. She went on to say she was just 19 years old and they were trying to find a place for her to go after leaving the care centre because she had no family left and her Mom died a year ago. I told her I would be praying for her and that I’d be back the next day to check on her. On Wednesday, Sharon, the Manager of the Care Centre, told me that she had been taken to the hospital because she’d gotten worse. They would give her an IV to help ease her pain and then she would be back. On Thursday, Sharon let me know that she had passed away. Just like that. I said “Already?! That soon?!” She didn’t seem close to death when it comes to how those that die of AIDS ‘typically’ look. Golly that sounds so naïve I am sure but hopefully you know what I mean. She still seemed to look healthy….not thin and bony. So all I can pray is that she is up in heaven dancing with Jesus and her family.

Please pray for me - peace, safety, and comfort. Please also pray for the same things for the people here and all over South Africa.

Love to all…and until next time, which will be soon! -Ami

"...because you are going to do this for Christ."

2009-03-24T15:45:00.006-05:00

I went to CarMax to get my car appraised to get an idea of how much I could get from them, but also how much I could up the price if I sold it on my own. Turns out the offer was really low compared to what I thought it would be. Leaving there, I realized that they appraise it low so they can double the price and make money off of it. I get that…it’s a business. But still…I wanted my story to matter…the fact that I was selling my car in hopes that half the funds I need for my year in South Africa would be in place. CarMax felt so…corporate. Everything was read to me from a computer screen. Even the appraisal popped up on the screen…like I was supposed to scream like I was on a game show or something. Instead I held on to the fact that the man said my Mom had to be there when I sold it to them (implying that I’d for sure be selling to them…) since her name is on the title along with mine. I questioned that and he zipped me over to the business center and started talking rapidly about what paper work could be faxed, etc. I waved my hand up and said “whoah…ok, wait. I’m not ready to do all of this stuff today. And, this offer seems really low to me!” He asked “Based on what? (in a condescending tone, that I took as 'you’re a woman, how would you know?') Did you look at Kelly Blue book or something?” I replied “Yes, I did….ok, thank you.” And turned and left.

A couple different people suggested I put it on Craig’s List. The thought of that exhausted me. I don’t have much patience for things like that, let alone the TIME at this point to deal with people looking at it, negotiating, paper work, etc. My friend Amy’s Dad suggested a local Honda dealership to which I thought ‘Duh…why not take it to the place I bought it from?!’ So, I called them the next day and asked if they buy used Honda’s. I took it in that afternoon. A man greeted me at the door and asked if I was there to buy a car today. No, I told him, I’m here to sell my car. He asked how much I wanted for it to which I replied “How much?! (surprised I was being asked that)…Well, I have a story…” And then it began. A chair was pulled out for me and I was asked to have a seat and tell the man my story.

And so I did. I told him how I was selling my car, and most of my things, and moving to South Africa. I didn't go into much detail about it at that point. The man got up and went into the glassed in room. I immediately felt like I was in a Deal or No Deal situation and he went to talk to the banker! I couldn't even see 'the banker' as he was hidden behind something put up on the glass. The man came out and asked me again what I wanted for my car....they needed to know whether to send me on to CarMax or not. HA! I asked why they would send me there and he was perfectly honest and said they wanted to know if it was worth their time to appraise my car. Basically if I said I wanted $12,000 no lower, they'd send me on my merry way. :) So I gave him my range of what I gathered from my research on the Internet. I explained that I knew it may be high, and they usually offer less so they can make their profit. But I was trying to get as much as I could in order to support myself in South Africa. He went back into 'the banker' and spoke with him. He was back out soon after and said they would appraise my car, and invited me to come sit at his desk. My back had been to his desk up until this point. I sat down and started to notice some things....a Christian Leadership book, and John C. Maxwell book, a poem based around Philippians 4:13 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. Mmmm...Thank you God.
The man then asked me what exactly I'd be doing over in South Africa. So I told him, and had a chance to talk some about Jesus as I spoke. I could see his mind turning with all sorts of thoughts as he kept telling me how great it was what I am doing.
At one point he asked me if I'm an only child. I told him no, that I have three older sisters who are all married. He then said he had to sit down to ask me the next question.

Him: Now, your parents...

Me: (laughing) I know what you're going to ask! (several people have asked me what my parents think of me moving to South Africa!)

Him: No, no, let me finish. Your parents obviously have instilled this in you to go and do this. So what did they do?! What did they teach you?

Me: Hmmm...wow...no one has asked me that! Um, well, my Mom is a very giving person. She always goes above and beyond for people in need so that's where I get the compassion side from. My Dad is a business man and has taught me a lot when it comes to that. He wasn't too sure about me leaving a career I've built for 6&1/2 years to do this. So, they've taught me a lot and I hope to teach them that sometimes I have to take a step of faith.

Him: Wow. So they've taught you a lot and now you are going to teach them something. That's great...

He went on to tell me about his step of faith when he came to sell used cars three years ago. He had numerous awards on the wall by his desk. We talked a little more and at one point he assured me he would do everything he could for every last dollar on my car. SO not a corporate feeling and negotiating could take place here, through this man, as opposed to at CarMax. He and I talked throughout the process, and he would go into 'the banker' from time to time. It was finally ready for him to tell me how much they'd appraised my car for.

Him: Ok, we have appraised your car at $6,500, but we are going to offer you $8,000 because you are going to do this for Christ.

Me: Wow. Ok. THANK YOU!!!

We worked out the details with the title and papers my Mom needs to sign and not have to be there. I will take it in on April 1 and sell it to them. Praise God. He was there and I felt His presence the entire time. I just kept whispering 'Thank you Jesus'. Not because of the money...but because this money allows me to be over in South Africa, serving Him and His people. I'm still in awe and very thankful.

So...if you need to buy or sell a used car and live in the DFW area, go to Rusty Wallis Honda and ask for Bernard Williams. He doesn't know I'm giving his name...I'm just passing on the love of Christ. :)

I'm all about a giveaway...

2009-03-11T17:26:00.002-05:00

Click on over to The Drama Mama to enter for a free one hour photo shoot AND/OR a blog makeover! Hollie designed my blog so if you like it, and are in need of some help with yours, you'll want to enter to win! :)
It ends tonight and winner will be posted on her blog tomorrow...so get to it!

Click the picture below for her design blog and The Drama Mama link above to enter into the contest!

A bit speechless...and a LOT to do!

2009-03-04T18:00:00.000-06:00

This past weekend, Pastor Trevor, who is the pastor of the church in South Africa (Norwegian Settlers Church) and a Genesis Board Member, Gary, were here in Dallas. They've been in the US visiting churches they have partnerships with. I was able to meet with them, as they've had some changes take place within Genesis. This was an opportunity to find out what they'd like me to do with the organization and when they thought would be a good time for me to go. I will be assisting with their fundraising and public relations...specifically with their partnerships with churches and donors around the world.

It has always up to God when I will go. It just took meeting with Pastor Trevor and Gary to really put a firm date on my departure. So, that was done....I will leave for South Africa on April 15! Yikes! That's VERY soon. That date had already come up, so I was aware of it...it just took them confirming it that made it 'real'.

Luckily the lease on my apartment is up at the end of March and my car is now paid off (Praise God that this was already scheduled to happen this past January!). My Mom happened to be here this past weekend so she came over on Sunday to help me get started with packing things up to sell. I was feeling overwhelmed with this project so I am very thankful to my Mom for her help. She also came over Monday afternoon and packed things up while I was at work!!! We enjoyed a nice dinner together and she stayed the night with me.

My wonderful friend Amy is having a garage sale for me to sell a ton of my stuff and all money brought in will go towards my funding. The garage sale will be on Saturday, March 14. We have a lot to do between now and then to get ready for it and have it be successful! It will be in the Richardson area. If you like garage sales and are interested in coming to buy stuff, please let me know and I will get you the address, times, etc.

My last day at work will be March 27. I've worked at this company for 6&1/2 years so really, leaving is bittersweet. I know I have to follow God's calling for me.

I will go visit my sister, Mindi, and her family in Indiana from April 2-7.

So, there is a lot to be done between now and April 15th but it's all coming together. I have had no major road blocks stand in the way of this, so I know this is what I am to do. I am excited, nervous, anxious, overwhelmed, thankful and blessed all at the same time!

Please pray with me. For wisdom, patience, safety, anxiety, and love. Funds are still needed and I am just taking a leap of faith that they will be provided between now and April 15. If you'd like more information about this, please let me know.

As out loud as I can be right now

2009-02-22T18:55:00.003-06:00

I'm just gonna say it as "out loud" as I possibly can....because the words won't actually come out of my mouth.

I have absolutely NO idea how I am going to do this.

And I fear that 'thought' taking over me. And I don't want it to. But I don't know what to do to make it stop. I simply cling to this:

*God always trumps Satan*

25 Things I Know About God

2009-02-10T11:28:00.001-06:00

This past weekend, the church I go to started a new series with Facebook as a talking point for the next few weeks. Facebook allows people to network, learn about each other, etc. More specifically for this series, Wes Hamilton, Teaching Pastor at Lake Pointe, posted a note on the Lake Pointe page asking members to finish this sentence "I have a friend who..." when it comes to common objections people have to Christianity.

During his sermon, he mentioned the "25 random things about me" going around on facebook. I got the idea to post 25 things I know about God. These all come from my own personal experience. If you'd like to join in on this, go for it. :) It can be very easy to think of these things as I hope you'll see from what I list. :) Below is what you can copy and paste into your own note:

If you've written "25 random things about me" and posted it on Facebook, I encourage you to also write "25 things I know about God" for all your Facebook friends to also read! Let's see how much we can get THIS to spread on Facebook! Besides, don't you think telling your friends some things you know about God are more important than the 25 random things about you? For me, they are.

25 things I know about God

1. God loves me so unconditionally I cannot even begin to fully comprehend it. But I know He does...I feel it deep in my soul and I have recognized His love for me in my life every single day. He loves me so much He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die for my sins.

2. God is an awesome painter. He paints the skies each day and I do not know how one cannot believe in Him when watching a sunrise and sunset. (see picture below)

3. God knew me before I was even in my Mother's womb. He knows my past, present, and future.

4. God is a 'selfish' God that wants our love more than anything.

5. God is always there for me, whether I know it or not...whether I am sad, happy, angry, joyful, depressed. He IS always there. Always. God is with me at all times, and for that I am thankful.

6. God hears my prayers and while He already has an ultimate plan for everything, He wants to hear my prayers for a relationship with Him.

7. He is worthy to be praised. We shouldn't just go to Jesus with our praises and to God with our angers.

8. God forgives....everything.

9. I believe that God's middle name is Grace. ;)

10. God gives us little children to remind us of our child like faith...without so many complications in our adult minds.

11. He also gives us children to give us a taste of the love He has for US!!!! Think about how much love you have for your own child, niece, nephew, grandchild, etc...any child in your life. God loves us so much GREATER!!! Can you even imagine?!?!

12. "God is bigger than big and Satan is smaller than small." - Quoted by my niece Lilli

13. God is there for us through our lowest of lows...I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, etc. but all I can do is know that He has a plan. That doesn't make life easy - we are human, we feel pain - and it's not always easy to remember that in our deepest valleys, but I do know that when I have come out of those valleys, He was with me the entire time.

14. God doesn't mind our questioning. If anything I believe He enjoys it, because it means we are searching for Him and hopefully will continue to grow in Him.

15. He is all I need.

16. God has spoken to me. I used to think people were crazy for saying that! But, I've heard him. VERY clearly. If you've never heard Him, you will...and you too will know it. I had to pay attention and soon realized He was speaking to me quite often, I just didn't realize it was Him.

17. We don't just abandoned the people close to us...we nurture those relationships and I have to do the same with God. He loves me the most in this world so it's important to me to spend time with Him every single day. I do that by spending time in prayer each day, reading my bible to learn more and more about God's love for me, doing my best to turn to Him when I'm having a bad day, knowing He is there every second of every day.

18. God knows I am human...i.e. NOT perfect. He knows I will sin and make mistakes. But He has always been there to help me get back up, wipe away my tears, and mend my frustration with NOT being perfect. ;)

19. I used to be angry with God. For various reasons. I had really deep pain when it came to God. If I treated a friend the way I treated God during that time, I would never hear from that friend again. (And I haven't)...but God is forgiving on levels I also will never be able to comprehend. And so He is here for me today. And I praise Him each day for that. Some days it brings me to tears.

20. I am WORTHY to God...and vice versa.

21. God knows my heart about judgement and how much I despise it...therefore never wishing to judge those who question Him. Cause I was that person at one time...

22. I know that the bible is THE self help book. It makes me sad how big that section is in bookstores...it also makes me sad that I used to spend hours in that section.

23. I know that God has a plan for ME and that I am to follow Him no matter what. It may be hard, it may be really tough, but He is right there with/for me.

24. God has a wonderful sense of humor. I don't always appreciate it right away, but I absolutely LOVE to laugh WITH God! It's one of the best feelings in the world!

25. God IS.

(God knows I didn't think I'd be able to put 25 things I know about Him into words... but that I want to write another 25! HA! :)

Last Chance for Raffle and some Serious Life

2009-02-02T08:30:00.002-06:00

The raffle that I mentioned a few days ago has been extended so if you weren't able to purchase raffle tickets for an awesome prize, you have until Thursday, February 5 at 11:59pm to purchase them! You'll be supporting an awesome cause - helping a family bring home their adopted baby from Korea! Sister for the Bean Raffle.

I also want you to know about this publication I’m a part of called Serious.Life Magazine. They just published the February issue today, and I am in their Featured Blog Directory (see page 121). It’s a very high quality magazine… you’ll really like it.

The magazine includes a lot of great content from bloggers you’ll appreciate, as well as great features, photos and other content. The magazine gives away a bunch of ads to charities and ministries. Besides great articles on interesting people, there is a lot about family, adoption, personal finance, spiritual life, humor… all sorts of “life” topics. There are several articles from blogs that I personally read!

The magazine is owned and published by a family who have seven kids, three adopted and one who has Leukemia (http://www.riggsfamilyblog.com/). Their button is on my sidebar - Pray for Abbey.

Again, the subscription is free, and I know you’ll enjoy the magazine, so take a minute to check it out and sign up to get future issues. http://www.seriouslifemagazine.com/

3 month countdown...checklist

2009-02-01T11:24:00.002-06:00

Just to post an update of next steps to take. Everything has come together thus far and I trust that God is in the details.

What I did take care of this past week:

Had Dr. sign medical release form and set up to go get chest x-ray - required items for Volunteer Permit paper work.
Turned in 60-day notice to my apartment complex - that I will not be renewing my lease when it's up at the end of March. I will be moving in with my sister and her husband (Becki and Doug) for the month of April, in hopes to leave for South Africa by May 1. Ummmm...that is 3 months from today....

Next items of focus for moving forward to move to South Africa:

Getting everything together to send in for my Volunteer Permit for South Africa. My goal is to have all of this together to mail in by Wednesday of this week. Still need chest x-ray and need to call the Home Affairs office for South Africa in DC to find out about what fees I have to pay and make sure I have everything together to send off.
Start collecting boxes and going through things at home and boxing up "Items to sell" and be reasonable about what to actually keep and what to sell.
Make departure date set for sure - April 15 or May 1.

That's all I can think of for now...feels good to type it out and posting in order to keep a record of what all goes into this whole process. Please continue to pray...

Tonight! (Updated)

2009-01-26T13:56:00.004-06:00

Update:
Thanks for your prayers! God is good and faithful! For some reason my nerves got the best of me - nasty weather and traffic on the way there got my nerves into an emotional mess. I got all my tears out on the way there as thoughts flooded my mind...totally random thoughts that haven't come up until now. Like saying good bye to my family. The flood gates opened at that thought! For some reason this meeting tonight, in my mind, made things 'official'...even though my fundraising letters have already gone out and support is coming in!

This meeting was with the Lead Pastor of Lake Pointe and 6 elders and our Mission Director. One of the elders is the leader of our team when we go to South Africa, and a huge support to my calling. So I wasn't nervous with him and even looked right at him a couple times to try to calm myself down! They were all very nice and very gracious. Pastor Steve asked "This will mean you are leaving your family behind...tell us about that..." Of course he had to ask that question! haha. :)
So, all went well, with my nerves a mess and forgetting to breathe as I spoke. They voted to commission me and even contribute to my fund. YEA! So on to the next step....

Original Post:
If you read this today, please say a prayer...my meeting with the elders of my church is tonight. This is to be commissioned by Lake Pointe Church for my year long journey to serve in South Africa. I am still raising my own funds, but this will give me the blessing of the church for this mission.
This meeting will take place from 7:30 to about 8:30 or so. I have 15 minutes with the elders. There will be prayer time before and after.

Please pray that I am able to communicate my call from God effectively.

Thanks in advance...I'll let you all know how it goes!

I am His and He is mine

2009-01-25T20:30:00.001-06:00

I had the privilege of spending an hour with my 2-year old niece yesterday, while we watched her older sister play in a basketball game. We sat and talked, cheered, laughed, and enjoyed each other. She typically prefers one of my other sisters as her "favorite Aunt" so when I get alone time with her I soak it all up! :) At one point she hugged me close and said "My Ami!" So sweet! I looked right back at her and returned the words. It's something she's heard her sister and I say to each other hundreds to times. Claiming each other as our own.

As I drove home yesterday, I thought back to her hugging me close and uttering those words. I immediately thought "My Jesus"...such a term of endearment! Shortly after, I imagined Jesus hugging me close and returning the words..."My Ami"...I wouldn't want to be anything but. Shouldn't we always imagine being in the arms of Jesus? Especially when we are feeling down...but also in our times of joy.

I also want to share the lyrics to a song that stung me to the core yesterday. Every. Single. Verse. It is the first song playing on the playlist at the bottom of my blog. I felt my soul open to the Lord and crave more and more of Him.

"Obsession"
by David Crowder Band

What can I do with my obsession?
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being?
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You

And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn, Lord, and I'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than I know
And I feel lonely without hope
And I feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

And my heart burns for You
and my heart, oh it burns for You

and my heart, oh it burns for You...You
and my heart burns...for You, for You
hey, hey, oh la la la la la la
and my heart burns

oh it burns for You...You
and my heart
oh, it burns for You
For You
For You
oh hey hey yeah yeah yeah

oh hey hey yeah yeah yeah

And my heart burns...
...for You....

my love for You
my heart for You
my life for You
all I am for You
my love for You
my heart for You
my life for You
all I am for You
love
love
for You...

Prayer Requests and Exciting Raffle!!!!

2009-01-20T20:25:00.005-06:00

Well, I am taking a little break from talking all about South Africa to post a couple prayer requests as well as give you a chance to help an amazing family and possibly win an AWESOME prize by helping out. While I am one in need of raising funds, I am all about helping others out for their dream as well.

First prayer request: Little Nate My sister, Becki, teaches 4th grade with Nate's Mommy, Jackie. This was her first year to teach on my sister's team when December rolled around and her 2 year old son, Nate, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in his brain and spine. Check out the blog for updates. One huge praise when it comes to Jackie being able to be with her son through this horrible time is that when their school district asked people willing to donate their days off to Jackie they were flooded with donations of days and even had to tell some people that they only needed to donate one day, as opposed to the 2+ they originally offered up for Jackie. She no longer has to 'work' the rest of this school year but is still receiving a paycheck and health insurance! I put 'work' in quotation marks because it is no easy task having to go through her son being this sick, and take care of her other 2 children as well! Their faith in God is amazing and they know that no matter what happens, it's all in God's hands! Please join me in prayer with them - Jackie (Mom), Wes (Dad), Nate, Jake (Big Brother) and Luke (Big Brother).

Second prayer request: Baby Harper, her Mommy Kelly, and Daddy Scott Check out their blog and pray their baby is fully healed and able to go home soon!

Third prayer request: Genesis This is the organization I will be working with while in South Africa. Please pray for them in general - that they may continue to carry out their mission to those hurting and suffering of HIV/AIDS in South Africa.

Fourth prayer request: Ok, I'm just going to go ahead and ask that you pray for me. I have some important meetings and details to figure out soon, so please keep me in your prayers through these and ask that God lead me in the right direction, as this is all HIS will. Also, that HE provide the funds for me to be there for one year. If you would like more information on supporting me financially, please let me know.

Fifth prayer request: Shelley at 'A Sister for the Bean'...that they are able to raise the money needed to bring home their baby they are adopting from Korea!!! It's a lot of money to adopt a baby and this is to help them do so in order to bring their baby home! SO....to help them, and read more about their awesome raffle giveaway going on, click on this post: Claire's Super Huge Adoption Raffle-Raiser!!!! Read all about it and donate to this cause with a chance to win! MckMama did a similar raffle back in December and is helping Shelly out with donating the awesome Canon camera!

I have several other unspoken prayers that I just ask you to please ask God that everything be done in HIS timing. Sometimes when all I hear all day long is depressing news, it's hard not to get depressed myself. I just try to find that glimmer of hope within it all that God still loves us, is always there, loving us unconditionally and forgiving our shortcomings.

How can I pray for you? Please let me know if you have a prayer request...either by leaving a comment or emailing me personally.

I am in love!!!

2009-01-15T20:45:00.001-06:00

Don't ya love the beginnings of a relationship? Whether with a romantic interest or with a new friend - you connect with them so well that you can't wait to see them again! To share your thoughts with them, tell them the hard things that happened during the day, or the joys from your day? Don't you wish that newness never went away? While it is possibly the start of an ongoing, deep relationship, there's just something about that newness that I think we wish we could hold on to. The thrill, the excitement, the innocence.

Well, I am feeling that way about a very dear friend of mine...one that knows me so well - exactly what I am thinking, feeling, and knows exactly what to say to me at exactly the right time! Sometimes, my friend is silent - allowing me to figure something out for 'myself', and then there to celebrate with me when I finally do. My friend laughs with me, cries with me, holds me, protects me, seeks me, talks to me, unconditionally loves me.

Ok, YES....I am in love with Jesus! Seriously. We've been close for quite some time now and it's beyond the 'newness'...but every - single - time that I sit down with Him, I fall in love over and over again. Jesus wants a relationship with Him. And a relationship takes two people...it's constant give and take. My love and my relationship with Him is all He wants from me. Unconditionally.

At the start of the new year, I began Oswald Chambers 'My Utmost for His Highest'. I kept hearing this mentioned all summer long. I'd never heard of it. So one day in the fall my sister and I were at a Christian bookstore and I started looking for it. It seemed like Oswald Chambers was a household name to many people so I felt a little embarrassed to ask where his book might be. I looked and looked to the point that I was frustrated but I really wanted to find this book. As I was looking at the very top shelf an employee asked if she could help me. With some hesitancy in my voice, I told her what I was looking for. The hesitancy was in case she didn't know who I was talking about (HA!) as well as 'what if she totally judges me and laughs at me for not already having this book?!'. Well, turns out she was very gracious and told me to follow her. She took me to the sale aisle (score -the sale aisle!!!) and begins to point it out and goes on to show me how many different editions there are. Who knew?! I left there with one pocket sized edition and two journal editions. Turns out it's one of those read-through-the-year books. Ohhhhh....ok....well I can do THIS!!! However, being my father's daughter, I certainly can't start it in the middle of October!!! Especially not the journal edition! So, I put those two away and kept the other one out on my coffee table, picking it up from time to time to see what it said for that day. I knew I'd get serious about it once January 1st rolled around. I took both journal editions to Mom and Dad's with me since I'd be there for New Years Day. One ended up in my Mom's hands. I hope she's reading along each day too.

Let me just tell you....every - single - time I read it (every day thus far!) I fall in love with Jesus all over again. Now don't get me wrong, I know they are Oswald Chamber's words...but they are all based on scripture stated at the top and woven all throughout the daily reading. The journal edition allows me to write my thoughts each day. I am never at a loss for words after reading it twice then highlighting what really sticks out to me (sometimes the whole thing is highlighted!!). I am my father's daughter after all. The smileys next to some things come from being my mother's daughter. ;)

Any doubt I am feeling that day about moving to a new country on my own, raising my own funds to go, what will I do about this or that - they all go away when I am put into God's word each day. I am in this with Him....and in the end, that's what matters. Yesterday's reading was titled "Called of God"....other titles are "Have You Ever Been Alone With God?", "Will You Go Out Without Knowing?", "Why Cannot I Follow Thee Now?" and "What My Obedience To God Costs Other People". You see why I enjoy this so much?

If you are not spending every day in the word of the Lord, I urge you to. Check out 'My Utmost for His Highest' daily readings if you wish, or whatever works for you. You will experience God like never before. And it makes each day worth living for...and your focus on Him. All day long....

Time to go spend time with my best friend...

PS- Please leave your comments, FRIENDS! Let me know you're out there....leave one as 'anonymous' and just sign your name at the end if you don't have a blogger account, etc. I'm excited to hear from you!

Doubt

2009-01-12T22:50:00.000-06:00

...I've had a lot of it lately.

And yes, I recently saw the movie Doubt. This quote from the movie stung me to the core: "Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty." Read that a couple times to really get what it means. I do not wish for my doubt to be that powerful. So, I have gone straight to the word of the Lord to really learn what my doubt is about. It all stems from my lack of trust. At times I have trouble trusting in the Lord. Ok, a lot of the time. This affects every aspect of my life. I do not trust people all that much. Sometimes that is a good thing, but there are several times that I wish it wasn't so hard for me. As I look back on my life I know there are outcomes that could be different if only I'd had trust in people, but most importantly in God. I stive to put my trust in God more and more everyday - to grow closer to Him as well as the people around me.
Tonight I am thankful for the following words from my bible.

James 1:2-8 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

Matthew 21:21 "Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree (see 21:18-20), but also you can say to this mountain 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.' "

I cling to this when my mind wanders into the depths of my doubt: Psalm 42:5 "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

I do not doubt God per se, I just have trouble accepting that I have no control. I feel this is normal. Right?

Childlike Faith

2009-01-01T20:17:00.004-06:00

I just drove home from being at my parents house in San Antonio for Christmas and New Years. It was a good, relaxing time. As I drove back I was thinking about the love Jesus has for me and how I will never fully comprehend it. Because as a human, the concept of unconditional, no boundaries, forgiving love is hard to accept and to wrap my mind around. I was quickly reminded about a conversation I had with my 6 year old niece, Lilli, the other night. Lilli's mom, my sister, is in Vietnam on a mission trip this week. So my other sister brought Lilli and her sister down to San Antonio for the week to be with Mimi and Papa and all of us.

While I won't share the entire conversation, I do want to share part of it. I asked Lilli what one thing was that she was thankful for from the day. She ended up listing several things and stated that she was trying to think of things besides God. When she was finished, I asked her if she is in fact thankful for God.

Lilli: "Yes....sometimes I wish I could love my Mommy more than I love God."
Me: "Really? Why?"
Lilli: "Because I can see my Mommy all the time and I've never seen God."

Wow. Ok, so I went straight into talking about faith. We talked about how we always have to put God first in our lives and how that's not always easy when we get into routines...and how we have to put God into our routines, etc. I let her know that I have the same struggles with remembering to put God first since I can't see Him...but when I am putting Him first I do see Him in everything and feel Him all around me.

So as I drove home tonight, in my rear view mirror I could see the sun setting. It reminded me of how I have always thought that I don't see how anyone can watch a sunset or sunrise and not believe in God. I mean, wow...they are each different - God's painting in the sky for the day, twice a day. I always feel the presence of God in a sunset or sunrise. So as I kept my eye on the rear view mirror at the big fire ball in the sky, I started to wish that I could always see God in the rear view mirror. When times are tough, I could see Him right there with me. When there are times of joy, I could see Him enjoying that with me. As I stared at the sun while pondering this, as well as what I stated earlier about Jesus' love for me, I realized I was staring at the Son. He is with me at all times. He does love me unconditionally. He did die for my sins. I am saved by grace. Whether I can see Him all the time or not. He is there. He is here. All the time.
I had David Crowder Band blaring and I wanted to close my eyes and throw my hands up in the air and worship Him right then and there. Safety first, so I didn't do that but I certainly was worshiping!!

I wanted to blog tonight about feeling inadequate. I wanted that to be the title - "Inadequate" and talk about how I feeling that way so much lately about God's calling for me to go to South Africa. I am feeling that way about everything - the fundraising, the packing, my relationship with Jesus, my attitude, my shortcomings, etc., etc., etc. I seriously could name about 20 things right now. But then I started thinking about that tonight too. And how 'innocent' they all must sound to God. Just like Lilli's conversation with me. Her innocence is just so precious and to hear her say the things she said the other night ("We should never love the devil, right?") - piecing things together with her childlike faith are so amazing.

So is that how God feels about my thoughts of inadequacy? Such innocent, childlike faith? I certainly hope so.

Go...Going...

2008-12-28T12:01:00.011-06:00

Over the months that followed, South Africa never left me. I don't think it ever will. I just kept thinking 'why not go now?!' On a Sunday at the beginning of November I found myself feeling very anxious and just couldn't sit still. I was not in a good place.
Suddenly, there He was....

"Why am I not enough for you?"

"What?"

"Why am I not enough for you?"

"What? Who?"

"Why am I not enough for you?"

(long silence)...then...."I don't know. But I want you to be."

I did not try to convince God that He was and is enough for me. I knew better than that. He is not to be fooled. He knows my heart. And he knew I was not putting Him first. Ouch.
It was that same night that I asked our team leader for our trips, who was leaving for South Africa in 3 days, to see if there was still a place for me in Port Shepstone with Genesis. If there was, I would go. He said he would find out.
It was 2 weeks later that he came back to let me know they did in fact still have a place for me. The next morning I got a call from Leon, General Manager of Genesis, and he was telling me the same thing. It was then that I told him that I would come. I would get the details all figured out...and I would come. I told Leon that I didn't want to look back in 5 years and regret not doing this. I don't want to live my life with regrets anymore. I already have enough. And the only one I have about South Africa is not giving a firm 'yes' to go back in September.

In the middle of November, I attended a Fusion Expierence conference in Irving, TX. When my sister and I saw that Francis Chan would be there as a speaker, we decided to go. I had no idea what the conference was about. I knew that some mission oriented organizations would be there- World Vision, SIM, World Orphans, etc. but I didn't know what the big message of the entire thing was about. Turns out it was all about living a life for God and figuring out what that is for each one of us. Go figure. This was no coincidence that I was hearing all of this. God knew I needed to hear each speaker, each song, read each verse. Francis Chan wrote the book Crazy Love. I had only read a couple chapters of it when I saw him speak at this conference. I had tears rolling down my face without even knowing it. Francis was talking about some people he'd recently met that had been prisoners in Afganhistan. Several of them were pastors. They had one bible and tore pages from it to share with each other. They even argued about who wanted to be killed first by their captures. Some were killed and some were eventually released. They have said since that they would want to go back to that place. Why on earth would someone want to go back to a foreign country where they were held as prisonors - treated horribly and even had to watch their friends be killed?! Why? Because that's where they felt closest to God... W-O-W! God was speaking to me during this time and He was very clearly saying

"GO!"

I have met with the Missions Director and our team leader for our trips and we have put the wheels in motion. I will not be paid by Genesis and since I am not going through an organization I have to raise my own funds for basic living expenses. I must have $10,000 in the account through church in order to leave for South Africa. I let this amount overwhelm me before, and I refuse to let it this time. It is a lot of money and it's actually $20,000 that I will need for expenses for the entire year. This is in God's hands and I truly believe that he will provide. That's not to say this will all be a walk in the park....in fact, it will be a lot of hard work and then a long plane ride! haha.

Please pray with me and for me. This is all very new for me and my family. I do not come from a missionary family or anything like that. My family loves the Lord and we all serve him in our own ways. Giving up my life and career here in America for a year is certainly 'different'. But say that out loud. ONE YEAR. That's IT. In the big scheme of things, that is nothing....a blink of time to God. I am SO excited about growing with God during this time.

I am putting me aside for the rest of my life...the best I know how to.

"I'm going."

After South Africa 2008

2008-12-21T21:17:00.010-06:00

I returned to Dallas on the afternoon of Saturday, July 27. I had Sunday to catch up on sleep and get to work that Monday. It wasn't too bad, but by 3:00 that afternoon I was ready for bed! It's a lot when I get back...to catch up on sleep but also to process everything emotionally. That just comes with time. I knew it would take about 2 weeks to really feel 'normal' when it came to sleep. The plan was to return to work for a week, and then go on vacation for a week with my family. (This was all a huge blessing to be able to do all of this in one summer when it came to my job. I am still really thankful for that.)
God had a different plan though. The Monday I went back to work (2 days after I got back from South Africa) and I went home so tired. I probably went to bed about 8 that night. About 3am I woke up not feeling well at all! I just thought my stomach was upset. It continued on through the wee hours of the morning. I called my boss about 7:45 and told him I'd be a little late. An hour later I was calling my mom (who happened to be in Dallas, but was planning on going home that day) and told her something was wrong and I didn't know what to do. She told me to call my doctor and make an appointment. I called her back and told her I'd be ok, not to come over. But very soon after those words came out, out also came the ugly cry. Seems that can come pretty easy when it comes to being a Momma's girl. ;) I was in so much pain and didn't feel like I could even get out of bed. Long story short, and sparing you the details, Mom came over and we went to my doctor who immediately sent me to the ER. Apparently I picked up a nasty bug either in South Africa or on the return trip home (of course I blame it on the airports!!). I was given a lot of pain meds in the ER, lots of tests were done, and I was sent home with three antibiotics and pain meds. F-U-N. Mom spent the night with me to be sure I was ok through the night and really was a rock star in taking care of me. She was supposed to take my niece back home with her for the couple days before the family vacation, but there was worry that Mom might catch something from me, or my niece catching it from her, so that didn't happen. Knowing the little
six-year-old heart was broken to not have alone time with her Mimi broke my heart too. It all was ok in the end though. I spent Tuesday through Saturday in bed...the doctor said it would take several days for me to get back on my feet. Hate it when they are right....
I was still able to go on vacation with my family, just had a slow start at first but then it turned out to be great time of relaxing and catching up on sleep again (with not being sick!).

Soon after I returned to work (for the second time), talks of a promotion for me came about. I was soon faced with accepting the promotion, or giving a firm 'yes' for going to live in South Africa for a year. You see, as I'd left South Africa, Leon told me Genesis would have me to work with funding, public relations, and coordinating teams to come from the U.S. He simply told me to pray about it. I was prayin alright. I met with our Team Leader and Missions Director from church to talk it over and find out how to go about moving to South Africa. We talked it over and we left the meeting with them telling me that all they needed was a firm 'yes' in order to get the wheels turning. I thought everything over A LOT. And talked it over with a lot of people. There were people on both sides, as well as in support of whatever I chose. With having gotten sick, some people thought I was crazy to want to go back "to the place that got you that sick!" This I laughed at because no matter what, I'd still be going back every summer, at the least! Remember that it was the airport that got me sick! haha.
Once I thought it over, and let things lead me away from South Africa, I chose to take the promotion. I let Satan get to me. He knew exactly what to put in front of me that would prevent me from following God's plan. He knew what to overwhelm me with - funding, safety, health, being so far from friends and family, packing up my stuff, etc. I will be completely honest and tell you that I allowed him to let those things overwhelm me. Satan caused me to take my eyes off Jesus, and give in to my American ways - more money, growth within my company, a new role which would bring great opportunities. Great opportunities to those that see it as such...

I have learned that the greatest opportunity is one that the Lord has laid upon on my heart and in front of me....

South Africa 2008...Part 4

2008-12-21T13:54:00.015-06:00

So the wrap up...
The other family I stayed with in Port Shepstone is Annatjie (sounds like Anna-key) and Cecil Starkey. What a fun couple! They own and run a restuarant in Durban and have a house in Uvongo (right by Port Shepstone) as well. Before going to stay with them I found out that they actually live two houses up and on the other side of the street from the Nash's. Small world. Annatjie is a wonderful cook and loves her husband more than anyone I've known in a long time. Cecil is retired and she knows he's had a long hard life and it's his time to relax and enjoy his hard work. Very cool to see that love in action!
Annatjie and Cecil solely started the funding of the Genesis care centre. Annatjie's story and vision for the centre is an amazing one that I will include in a post soon. Just know for now that if it weren't for Annatjie living her life for Christ and paying attention to HIM, the care centre either wouldn't be in existence or it would be a very different place. The Starkey's go to Port Shepstone each Wednesday through Friday, and spend Thursday at Genesis with staff, patients, etc. to see how everyone is. I had some great meals with them and learned a lot about Christ's never ending love for us in that short time with them. On my last night in South Africa, the van den Berg's came over for dinner.

Leon van den Burg is the General Manager of Genesis. His wife, Sandra, has begun a skills training program for patients and people in the community with ties to Genesis. They have two sons who are great kids living for Christ. Leon was on 'holiday' (that's vacation, Becki) when the team was there so they didn't get to visit with him this year. So I felt blessed to be able to spend time with him, and officially meet and spend time with Sandra. Talk about a great family living their lives for good and following what the Lord has in store for them. I get tears in my eyes and excited just thinking about this family. Leon is a great man of Christ and it shows through everything he does in his life. And he is very humble about it. Leon knows my heart for the care centre and Genesis as a whole so when I'd be lost in my thoughts around him he seemed to know and would check to be sure I was ok.
Me with Leon and Sandra:

I always was, just....excited, with a deep passion being lit and kindled. A great fire in the fireplace has the big heavy wood on top, and the smaller pieces, paper, etc. on the bottom. So seeing the hard stuff on this trip - people gasping for air, crying out to Jesus for relief of pain, a woman taking 30 seconds to regain her balance only to still fall because she's so weak, children so hungry the sight of a piece of bread being handed to them is pure joy, a family surrounding their loved one at the care centre and just 10 mintues later they are outside weeping for the loss of him - had to come in order to dig down deep for the meaning of it all, the start of it all. Jesus having me realize that it's not about me, that this life is for him. To help those that can't help themselves. To show the love of Jesus through any way possible, just as he loves me.

The Lord put the following on my heart every single time I opened my bible while in South Africa. Particularly the times that I felt this was just an extra two weeks here, nothing more. Was God calling me to live here? Part of me staying longer was to see if this was a calling from the Lord. As you may remember, after the 2007 trip, I felt a very strong urge from God to 'go on one more trip'. And this trip I was able to stay longer, and a lot of things were worked out for me to see what every day life in Port Shepstone, South Africa was like, and how I could fit in here, with Genesis and/or through another organization/church, etc. So many nights my conversations with God went like this:

Me: "Let me know you Lord. Show me what you want for me Lord."
God: "Ok. Here you go. Ephesians 4:1-7....

"...I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But to each one of us grace has been given, as Christ apportioned it."

Me: "I'm sorry, WHAT???" ;)

The day before I left, I went to check on Pinky, as I did every day I could. If you recall from another post, this is the woman that upon first glance at her at the beginning of the trip, I was sure she would not make it through that night. Well, she improved each day. Many people were praying for her and God began to give her strength and heal her. Every time I saw her before this she was getting better, but still laying flat on her back, too weak for anything else. That last day, I was stunned when I saw her. This is what I saw, and it brought tears to my eyes:

Meet Pinky. I actually just got word 2 days ago that Pinky went home to family in Durban recently. W.O.W!!! Praise God! I have no doubt that the prayers constantly lifted up for her helped her get better. I still continue to pray for her that she continues to feel well, with the help of God and the ARV medications.

To close the trip part, but with many more stories bound to pour out of me, I leave you with this humor. As I've mentioned, my biggest fear going into this trip, once I learned that I would be staying two weeks longer than the team, was traveling back by myself. People close to me know that I like to be in control (GASP....yes, I know, I just admitted that...although when I first typed that blogger did something weird and deleted that sentence....no lie...so even my computer knows it's hard for me to admit that! HA!) However, when it comes to airports, I like for other people to take over. Perhaps that comes from never having that control from an early age when Dad was the leader of the pack at an airport. It's quite possible that I give up control in places I don't like....and airports is number 1 on that list. I feel rushed, flustered, lost, anxious, and well, not in control at airports. This may be strange because airplanes do not scare me. So, when I travel with the team, I sit back and wait to be told what to do. It may not be what's going through my mind, so I really think God sits on my lap to keep me still in the not so fun times. On our first trip in 2007, I had tears in my eyes once through security at the New York airport just from the frustration of standing in a line and finally getting through it. Tears of relief I suppose.
Anyway, of course the morning I woke up and it was time to leave, I did not feel well at all. My stomach was in knots and my mind was racing. Would I have to get my luggage at any time, or would it be checked all the way from South Africa, to London, to Dallas?! Would I understand what people were saying to me? Would I know where to go? Would I be fast enough with getting my passport out? Would I get lost in some deep dark corner somewhere?! Yes, see, so silly. It was loooong travels back, but I made it, and could feel the prayers being lifted up for me. Literally. Once I was Dallas bound and didn't have to go through another airport alone, I couldn't stop smiling....at how crazy my thoughts had been and how God was up there laughing *with* me. I made it home just fine. And my mom, sister, and niece were there waiting for me with hugs, kisses, and stares. My niece kept staring at me in the car on the ride to mexican food and Dr. Pepper (thank you Jesus!). Like I had something on my face or something. I'd look at her and say "what?" and she'd just smile and laugh and say "nothin."
Mmmmmmmmmmmm............................

South Africa 2008...Part 3

2008-12-16T18:56:00.030-06:00

Alright, let's try to wrap up South Africa 2008 in this post! Me have a lot to say?!?!?!? Never...

I had the privilege to stay with two other wonderful families during my extra two weeks in South Africa. The first was Britt and Rolf Kuhn, and their two year old son, Tristan. Britt and Rolf were both born and raised in South Africa. They live on a sugar cane farm, which is the same farm that Rolf grew up on and now runs and operates. This was a great experience! They live further up in the mountains and it was so much colder then anywhere else in Port Shepstone! We enjoyed hot chocolate by the fireplace pretty much every night I stayed with them. I also got to go on a sugar cane burn run with Rolf and actually started the fire! Ok, I did it for about 20 seconds and then it got SO HOT so I backed away while the workers really got it going. I am pretty sure they found it very humorous to see an American get so excited about starting a sugar cane burn run! What can I say...I am easily amused.

Britt worked for Genesis as their funding coordinator and public relations officer (PRO). I say 'worked' in past tense because as of just recently she has decided to spend more time raising her son and spending time with her family. I am hoping another baby is on the way in the future! Not starting rumors...I know nothing of this just that she's a great Mom! :)
Two things I did while staying with the Kuhn's were the farm ministry and the garden ministry, which are both run through Norwegian Settler's Church.

The farm ministry is amazing. There are volunteers that go to different farms in the area and minister to farm workers. HIV & AIDS is very prevalent amongst the farm worker community. Teaching about the love of Jesus to these men is so important.

Frank Honey is one of the volunteers and the leader of the team on the day I went. He is retired and told me that he always knew that when he retired he would do this type of ministry. He grew up on a farm and learned to speak Zulu from the workers on the farm. He still speaks fluent Zulu and is great at it!

We went to two different farms, up in the mountains where it was really cold! But everyone we spoke with was so eager to learn more and more about Jesus. Volunteers visit each farm once a week so they are learning more and more every week. They are given a booklet with different lessons, all in Zulu. One of the volunteers, Molly, who lives on a farm herself, has the most AMAZING voice. Her singing was another encounter with the Holy Spirit for me. WOW. I was literally brought to tears listening to her. I had no idea what she was saying, but it didn't matter. We were both there as sisters in Christ worshiping HIM. Here is Molly singing. Don't mind the lighting...there was no electricty so we had candles lit. It's more about what you hear then what you see anyway. ;) I've put two cause if you're anything like me you want to keep listening to her. In the second one the man standing on the right is Frank Honey.

Here is a picture of Molly and me. I cannot wait to see her again and listen to her sing.

I really learned a lot from Britt while staying with her and her family. I was able to see some of the funding proposals she has worked on. She was only working for Genesis part time when I was there and she had her hands full! It was amazing to watch her go from Mommy to professional in a matter of a 20 minute car ride. She also helped a lot with making sure I was comfortable and taken care of every day! For some reason I have no pictures of Britt and I together so hopefully we'll take one soon. ;)

I almost forgot to tell you about the biggest leap of faith while with Britt and Rolf!!! They took me to the Oribi Gorge to "check out the views" and the "swing". This is a 300 foot free fall into the gorge with nothing but a harness on and then once you get to the bottom, you swing through the gorge as they pull you back up along side a waterfall and an incredible view. (sigh) Yes, I know it was an incredible view because I did it. No, I did not do it on my own. The man had to p-u-s-h me off the cliff. That's right:

I literally have been pushed off a cliff.

I get that funny feeling in my feet just thinking about it! I also did it with sweet baby Jesus watching over me. I prayed the whole way back up. Britt and Rolf said I didn't scream until I was at the bottom. To which I replied "that's because I didn't open my eyes until I was at the bottom!!! " I do have a video of this jump and may have to post it if possible. My family and team thought I was crazy when I emailed them with this news. Yep, I'm here doing the possible so God can do the impossible! ;) Here are pictures:

This was probably after I went to the edge about 3 times. He's telling me that he's never had anyone turn back after already being strapped in and ready to go. I told him that I would be his first to do so then!!

"Just walk out a little more..." This is right before he got me past the 'yellow line'
and pushed me!

'HE JUST PUSHED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Close your eyes, just close your eyes!'

Yep, that little dot is me....swinging away!

"Did you see him push me?!?! I'm alive!!! That was soo cool!"

Sorry, there will have to be a Part 4. I really want to share these stories with you and trust me, there could be 20 parts to it if I wrote about everything. Part 4 will be the last- promise!!!

*Tonight I am thankful for a warm home, warm blankets, and an absolutely wonderful friend.*

South Africa 2008...Part 2

2008-12-14T20:57:00.010-06:00

I have been trying to figure out what to write for Part 2. I read through my journal today in order to be reminded of everything I did for the 2 weeks that I was in South Africa without the team. Some of those details were just silly ones- how cold it was, what I ate, what time I got up, etc. Remember when you were little and had a "diary" and that's what you'd write about - what was for lunch and dinner that day? HA! I guess in another country we still do that so we are reminded that the food was in fact quite 'normal' then what some may think. I certainly do not do that in my journals today.

Moving on...on those pages were also great stories that I'd somewhat forgotten about. There are big moments from those 2 weeks that stick out to me and then there are the 'small ones' but still had great impact.

I stayed with two great people twice in my 2 weeks after the team left. Robin and Mike Nash are American missionaries that have formed their own organization, Two Tunics, in Port Shepstone and surrounding areas. Mike is a Doctor and spends some of his time at the care centre at Genesis. Robin's heart is for the children and the creches (pre-school/day care) there. They are following what God has planned for them and I feel very lucky to have spent time in their home getting to know them and worship God with them. They taught me more then they will ever know and I continue to lean on them for guidance and support.

One thing that Robin and I did together was go out on home based care visits. This was with an organization called Positive Ray. They have volunteer nurses that go and visit with patients living with AIDS in their own homes. We spent 2 days doing these visits, in two different areas. One was a very rural area near a clinic called the Assisi Clinic. At the first home, no one was home. The nurses and volunteers were worried about this because there are small children at the home. The door was locked and they grew worried of what they may find inside. One of the volunteers was able to climb through a window to open the door so we could figure out if they just weren't home, or if we'd find something much worse. It was for about 5 seconds as I watched him climb through that window that I grew very scared of what we might find. Soon he was opening the door from the inside and telling us that no one was inside. We made sure to look all around to be sure. So, we went to leave - we had Robin's car and a Positive Ray truck (they call it a "bakki" and I am not sure if I am spelling that right!). Soon they spotted the woman and children just up the dirt road we were driving on. The woman knew it was the day for the nurse to come and what I was told (after much talk in Zulu) was that she knew they would make her take "her" children (I believe they were actually her niece and nephews...but when everyone else dies, the oldest person around becomes the kids mother or father) to the clinic because they were so sick. One of the children had a really bad rash/growth on his hands. Below is the picture.

We had brought a bucket full of food for the people we would visit that day so they drove the woman down to her house to drop the bucket off and then they took the whole family (the woman and 3 kids) to the clinic so they could get proper care. We went on to visit with about 3 other families. One woman was in a wheel chair and could not walk at all so we loaded her into Robin's car and drove her to the clinic for her check up for that day.

The next day we went to Umkalumbe (again, I know I am spelling this wrong...), which is much closer into town and actually just across the street from Genesis. We visited several people there. One in particular stands out to me. It's when I felt the Holy Spirit the most I ever have...well, ever. We went to a woman's home, which is just a shack, even smaller then the one at the top of my blog. It was a very small room with just a chair, mat and small table. Not all of us could fit in there so I opted to stand outside. As I did look in, I saw a very thin, very sick woman eating what looked like porridge. A woman that had been there with her told us that this was the first time in several week that she was able to feed herself because she had been so weak. One of the nurses spoke in Zulu as she asked questions about how the last couple days had been, specifics about how she was feeling, etc. The volunteers from Positive Ray began to pray and sing with her. See below for the video. It was right after I stopped filming that the patient began to cry out to God to heal her and help her pain. The singing got louder, and so did crying out. Something came over me and I felt like I needed to walk away - it was becoming way to emotional for me. But God told me to stay put. So I closed my eyes and felt the Holy Spirit surround this place with all its glory and might. Oh what an awesome feeling. I went from feeling uncomfortable, to scared, to overwhelmed in the most awesome way all within about 2 minutes!
Ok- see the video:

As soon as the team and Robin walked out of the shack, Robin alerted me to look to the right. As I did, I saw a man but I also saw a small child. So I did the typical girl "awwww!" that we do when we see a cute little child. Robin then said "No, the man. He's a sangoma." OOOHHHH.
A sangoma is a "witch doctor" or as most in the Zulu culture know them as an herbal medicine 'healer'. You can tell who they are by what they wear - mostly red prints and some will have white stuff on their face, white beads in their hair, or white beads around their neck.
The Zulu people really do believe in sangomas so I do not wish to say anything offensive. This is just my perspective. My mind suddenly filled with thoughts of how I'd just completely felt the Holy Spirit's presense in this place and then 2 seconds later a sangoma walks out of the shack connected to the patients home. I spoke to the man and asked him if I could take his picture. Well, one of the Positive Ray volunteers translated for me. We also had the polaroid camera with us so I took 2 pictures to give to them to keep and the sangoma and the little boy LOVED seeing themselves. Up to this point, I thought only women were sangomas. I asked Amos, one of the volunteer's and the one further into the room singing in the video, and he told me that both women and men can be sangomas. Here is the picture of the sangoma:

We went to a few more homes that day and it was really great to pray with these people, bring them food, offer a little bit of hope, and hear their stories. These home based care visits really touched my heart and I continue to pray for the patients we saw as well as the volunteers of Positive Ray.

Ok- that's all I have for tonight. Looks like there will be a South Africa 2008 Part 3! :)
Stay tuned, and thanks for reading.

South Africa 2008...Part 1

2008-12-10T20:29:00.004-06:00

We set off for South Africa for another dose in early July. Travel was once again long - with a long layover in London which proved to be good sightseeing and many-a-blister bearing. Totally my fault - I will never wear a new pair of shoes without socks when I travel. Well, never again no matter what.
We also missed a flight or something like that in Johannesburg (I really don't remember what happened as I was sick and just wanted a bed!) so we spent the night in a hotel near the airport which was absolutely lovely and had the best shower EVER. That could have just been because we hadn't showered in awhile though.
Moving on...it was GREAT to be back in South Africa. Several of us kept calling it home and we'd only spent about a week there the summer before. But we missed it. It's a place that stays with you. In your dreams and in your daily going-through-the-motions thoughts.
One very dear friend put it perfectly: South Africa is so beautiful but also so ugly at the same time. You can be on a beautiful beach overlooking the Indian Ocean then drive 10 minutes and be in the midst of extreme poverty.

We began work with a new community this trip- called the Khula Club. This is a rural area with a lot of people spread all over. Pastor Joseph is the pastor of this community and such a wonderful man! He has such a heart for all the people there. There is a creche, which is like a pre-school or daycare, that the kids come to while their mothers go off to work. There is a fee so some cannot afford to bring their kids. One challenge early on was having the kids registered rather than just dropped off. Many of these families hadn't seen a white person and toys that are so common to Americans. Having any type of structure 'in the classroom' has also been a challenge.
We went there on our first day to play with the kids, feed the community, and offer a bit of hope. There were a lot of people that came - word spreads fast over those mountains! It was fun to play, sing, and dance with those kids. They laughed so much when we would try to say a Zulu word! Several knew English, but not all of them.
To go to school there is a fee for books, uniforms, etc. and many do not have any money for their children to go to school and get a basic education.

At the Khula Club

There was the time spent in the care centre, of course. I went there the next day and it was great to see everyone and go around to all the patients and say hello to them.
It was different this time around. Not in a bad way at all, just different. I don't think anything compares to the first time I was there. Maybe it was my innocence the first time around. This time I could tell which ones would make it and which ones were near the end. Or so I thought...

There was one woman named Pinky. She looked like a skeleton in that bed. From looking at her, I did not think she would make it through the night. She did not move, did not speak. She did grab my hand as I put my hand on her arm so she could feel my touch. And she just held on to my hand so tight. I must admit that for a second I was fearful as she looked into my eyes. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I softly said a prayer for her and walked to the next patient. The next day I went to see Pinky and she grabbed my sun glasses off my head and took my water bottle out of my hand and finished the water!!! I was startled! The day before she would have been too weak to do that! Others on the team bonded with Pinky too. I kept praying for her since she looked so weak and sick.

As a team, we also spent time at Rehoboth, an 'orphanage' that is in the area. Their story is its own blog in itself, but basically they take children who do not have any parents or grandparents left to care for them. I believe most of them are also HIV+. Rehoboth is like a saving grace kind of place. There is an incredible peace on this land of homes, hills, trees, playgrounds, BIG dogs, and children of all ages running around smiling. They are taken care of, fed, educated, and most importantly LOVED.
The child I held the entire time cried when I put him down to leave. Talk about a heart breaker!!
One little one would not go to anyone else except a very kind man on our team. I sat there amazed when I realized she had gone to him....and laughed and smiled with him! Amazing Eric!

Homes at Rehoboth

Kids at Rehoboth with their "Mama"

The team did a ton of incredible things and we were all touched in our own ways and praised Jesus for our time there together. We also ate some really good food and shared a ton of tears and laughs! I wish I could share ALL the stories of my time with the team there but there are too many!! I'm sure they will work there way into other posts.

Then it was time for the team to leave. All week different people would ask if I would be ok without them there. My answer was always "oh yeah, I'll be fine!!" because that's really what I believed. Then that day came...
HA! Big baby!!! I cried in a meeting with the Pastor that wasn't even 'my' meeting. He came up to me after and put his arm around me and asked if I really would be ok! Sweet man...Pastor Trevor. Again, another post in itself! (I should start a list...)
Anyway- it was Ken and Janine who dropped me off at the care centre with my luggage (Ken found this to be rather humorous that he was dropping me off there with bags...or he was just trying to distract my tears....nah- it was funny in its own twisted way!).
But then it came...the 'ugly cry'! I was shocked at myself cause all along I really thought I would be fine with them leaving. It wasn't until it was time to say a final goodbye that I was a MESS. Sharon took me in her office and let me get it out although I think she was a little scared of the ugly cry for a minute or so!

But then it set in for good....to where I could feel it...FAITH. The sermon Pastor Trevor did the first Sunday we'd gotten there was all about "We do the possible so God can do the impossible." How appropriate.

Cause all of the 'possible' was done. Now it was time for the 'impossible'...

PS- My biggest fear for this trip? Traveling back by myself!! (I despise airports!)

After South Africa 2007

2008-12-09T19:12:00.006-06:00

I feel I need to post a lot today in order to get everyone up to date! I'll try my best...

After we got back from South Africa in July 2007, it was constantly on my heart that I should move there and serve. I went through a bit of depression upon returning - it was hard to process everything we'd done and seen, but it was also hard to go back to everyday life before South Africa as well as be around people that weren't on that trip. I am sure a lot of people that have gone on mission trips feel this way. I remember our trip home and I kept thinking that there was no reason why I cannot go and live there - I'm not married and I don't have kids. Not that that's all that holds people back, but that's all I could think of that would hold me back. And I didn't have those things so why not?! So, I began the process of looking into three different options to get there. After going through meeting face to face with all three and getting further into the application process, God put it on my heart to hold everything...."WHAT?!?!?! WHY?!?!?" I felt very certain that God was telling me to go on one more trip. And go from there. I really had to figure out if this was God saying this (the hold everything part) or if Satan was swaying me away from serving the Lord. Once the "go on one more trip....and go from there" came, I knew it was certainly coming from God. Ok Lord, one more trip.

About three months before the next trip, which was scheduled for the beginning of July 2008, I said out loud "I wonder if it could be an option for me to stay an extra couple weeks in South Africa." Yep, those words came out of my mouth. At first it was just a 'wonder'. I didn't think I actually MEANT it! Well, I said it out loud in front of the right people and I started the process of finding out if it could be a possibility. I emailed the General Manager of Genesis (the organization we partner with in South Africa) and he said "Sure! Great!" or something like that. I knew that changing my ticket for my return home would cost some extra money and I had an amount in my mind that I knew would be the limit of what I could afford. HA! It was about $200 more. Waaaay below what I was expecting. ~~Basically everything fell into place for me to stay longer~~ GOD made everything possible for me to stay longer!! (Approval from the church, approval of our partners in South Africa, approval from my work!, not a huge amount to change the ticket...I'm sure there were some other things that I'm not even aware of).

Well, that's all I really remember leading up to the trip in 2008. Oh wait - no it's not. I had some big dealings with Satan leading up to that trip. He certainly tested me. And I did my very best to hold my head high. I am only human, so some days it didn't feel easy AT ALL. But, I made it through and soon it was time for South Africa 2008....

South Africa 2007

2008-12-09T14:15:00.007-06:00

We began to meet as a team. Our first meeting was a dinner with an IMB missionary that was currently living in South Africa. It was a great start to learning about where we would be working, staying, learning, etc. We then met almost every Saturday leading up to the trip to plan (the best we could!), have fellowship, pray, ask questions, cry, laugh, etc. We talked about our biggest fears one Saturday. In my opinion that was the day that we really bonded as a group, and didn't feel so alone in our fears.
My biggest fear was not the fundraising I had to do to pay for the trip, or the long (ok, VERY long) plane ride, or even our safety. My greatest fear was how I was going to react to the 'hospice' that we'd be doing work in. I'd never been around someone that I knew was HIV positive or had AIDS. I'd never actually witnessed someone die, or seen someone that close to death. I have no medical training and frankly am scared of anything 'medical'. For some reason in my mind I kept having this image of running out of the hospice and throwing up. It's hard for me to even write that today because of how ignorant it sounds. But I want to give you this full story.
After a really long time on a plane and in airports that certainly tested my patience and emotions, we were in South Africa. We got into Port Shepstone, South Africa very late on a Saturday night. We were all so tired and really wanted a shower. We got rest and showers and enjoyed a wonderful Sunday at church and at a hospital where we had a party in the children's ward. The picture of me with the little girl is the first child I picked up in South Africa (at the hospital) and I did not set her down for probably an hour and half. She was "my little girl". The photo was taken about 5 minutes after I'd picked her up.
So to the hospice. My "biggest fear". Everyone knew this, and most importantly God knew this. Because as soon as we stepped into that place God totally took control of me and my fear. We walked around to each patient and said hello and I made sure to touch everyone's hands...I suppose I felt like this would help them realize that I knew they were sick, but I wasn't scared of them for that. It also clicked in my mind that they needed that human touch...that warm hand to touch them and not make them seem so "on display for stupid Americans to see a South African dying of AIDS." (sorry if that's too blunt)
We handed out oranges. I realized after about 5 minutes of seeing them just hold their oranges that they didn't have the strength to peel the oranges!! I told a few others and we all began to peel them and help each person eat their orange. What nutrients to someone that is HIV positive or dying of AIDS!

And so it began...my absolute love of the Genesis Care Centre. They do not call it a hospice because it's a place for patients to get better and learn to care for themselves. While some do die there, it more of exactly what they call it- a care centre. And they strive to help their patients 'live with AIDS' rather than 'die of AIDS'.

Care Centre

I spent most of my week there- loving the patients and the staff! And oh what great staff they have! Bridget in the kitchen quickly became my favorite...we cooked, sang, danced, had some English/Zulu lessons (which resulted in a TON of laughs!!!), hugged and prayed together. To this day I pray for Bridget!
Sharon is the amazing director of the care centre and what a joy she is. If I had to define the word grace, she is who comes to mind. She is loving, caring, selfless, and oh-so-gracious with everyone she meets. And to be admired for her management skills!

Me with Bridget

There will be more stories of my first trip to South Africa that summer of 2007 but that is what I have for now...

South Africa 2007 Team

How it all began

2008-12-07T02:30:00.004-06:00

Do you remember where you were almost 2 years ago - January 2007? Can you believe that was almost 2 years ago? Perhaps if it was a joyous time in your life, you remember exactly what you were doing and cannot believe it's already been 2 years. If it was a dark time in your life, then you probably feel it was so long ago; that is of course if you've come out of that darkness.

For me, it's some of both. It feels like forever ago but also I can't believe it's already been 2 years. Perhaps that's because I was going through some of both...the dark and the light. It was the final end to a doomed relationship. To be honest the end was probably the November before but we went through that denial phase and tried to force it to work out.
It was the end of January 2007. I was home and all alone. I felt so alone. I was on the phone with my parents and could barely speak through my tears. I was heartbroken and angry. I eventaully came to realize that my anger was at myself. After I got off the phone with my parents I just let out what I like to call the 'ugly cry'. You know the one - the one you try to hold back in public but let out when you're alone, or with someone you trust. It's not pretty. Your mouth and eyes do twists that should never be photographed.

So out came my ugly cry. I just gave into it. There were no cameras and no one was around. Then it happened. My eyes focused on a cross hanging on my wall. I could not take my eyes off that cross. It's silver with blue stained glass and a red stained glass heart in the center. It was like God was pulling me to him as I stared at that heart in the center of the cross. And I knew I was not alone. And that I am loved and forgiven. And that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I began to talk out loud to God. This was not a daily habit for me by any means at the time. In fact, I was pretty far away from God for many years up to this point. So it didn't feel natural at all. But I went with it. I said a lot of things are just between God and I, but I will tell you that I surrendered to Him in that moment. I told Him that I can't do this alone and that I needed Him to hold me. And He did. I crawled right up into his arms that night and he wrapped his arms around me so tight. He'd missed me, and I sure did miss him. Being held in the arms of Jesus without judgement, without an agenda, without selfishness is the best feeling in the world, even in the darkness. Because it's not like I woke up the next morning and everything was better and I went out and conqured the world. Very far from it. I just knew that I had Him to lean on and that I was not alone, even though I felt that way.

In the next few weeks, God laid something back on my heart that had been gone for awhile. I was to go to Africa. No big detailed plan in my mind, I just always knew I wanted to go to Africa and love on children there - feed them, play with them, etc. In my mind I thought I'd look into what organizations I could go through, etc. and go in the summer of 2008...
Two weeks later I was at church with my sister and in the bulletin there was information about an informational meeting for a trip to South Africa for July of that year - 2007.
My immediate thought: 'Well, I am going in the summer of 2008 so I can't go to that meeting.'
I went to the meeting. I learned what the process was, first being to fill out an application to be approved by the church. Ok, I can do that. It was about a month later that I got an email of acceptance to go on the trip. I screamed out loud in excitement at my desk at work and then cried! 'I am not alone...'